HARRY POTTER

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(A tragic tale of unrequited love. A song stolen from me by Laughin' Lenny Cohen)

 

There was a girl that he adored

He planned to brag that he had scored

But we all know the bounder never got her;

He never got to climb upon

Cos Grainger went for Weasley Ron

She found his ginger features were much hotter;

Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter.

 

He’d had a longing in his tool

From his first day at Hogwarts School

To pork her did the specky, four-eyed rotter;

He fantasised her in the buff,

He sketched her minge complete with muff,

He scrawled graffiti in his homework jotter;

Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter.

 

And when he lay alone in bed

He’d pull his Nimbus raw and red,

Imagining one day that he would mott her;

But while his bulging bollocks growed

That wanker Weasley shoots his load

So poor old Harry never got to slot her;

Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter.

 

He wished his one-time mate were lame,

Contracted crabs; and so became

A bitter and a twisted jealous plotter;

He cast one spell to make Ron gay,

The next to turn his cock to clay-

The fiendish Wingardia Terracotta;

Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter.

 

But this was all to no avail

And Harry P would ever fail

For Grainger was Ron Weasley’s squelchy squatter;

She sit astride the face of Ron

While Harry filled a demi-john

Onanistically – he never got her!

Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter.

◄ X2 = ((x – y) * (x + y)) + y2

THE SUN SHINES BRIGHT BUT THIN TODAY ►

Comments

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John Coopey

Thu 18th Oct 2018 14:51

It wasn’t my idea of how to become a porn star, MC.

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M.C. Newberry

Thu 18th Oct 2018 12:09

As a certain popular comic of yesteryear used to say:
"Oh, you are awful...but I like you!"
This is inventive, inviting, vigorous, vulgar, salacious and seductive. Porn for today's platform poet.

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John Coopey

Thu 18th Oct 2018 08:28

Thanks Don. No question those kids have grown up a bit.
I was particularly pleased with the phrase”squelchy squatter”. Visual, onomatopoeic and alliterative, as well as conveying a certain baseness.

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Don Matthews

Wed 17th Oct 2018 23:17

Gosh John, you're taking things to a different level here. Gritty true-life stuff. No more flying-around fantasy ?

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John Coopey

Wed 17th Oct 2018 18:37

It has passed the WOL Board of Censors once before, Brian, so let's see if a new streak of politically correct Puritanism has crept into the arena.

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Brian Maryon

Wed 17th Oct 2018 18:12

Pure pornography John! And featuring minors!

Very good poem though.

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