First you have milk, then curds and whey

Leave a while longer…..then cheese; Hurray!

The one sure thing to make me elated

Be it sliced, cubed, crumbled or grated

Yes, when it comes to cheese I get very excited

Like when Gary Hooper scores for Scunthorpe United

 

I’m going to have cheese cake on my wedding day

But best of all is when the photographer will say:

‘Everyone say cheese’ and I will go mental!

My husband will be like ‘Could you have shouted any louder?’

But I won’t hear him coz I’ll be yelling ‘Rockfort, Camembert, Gouda!’

And I am definitely going to wear a veil

So I can hide behind it and nibble on Wenslydale

 

Last night I updated my status on Twitter

‘I’m microwaving cheese inside a wholemeal Pitta’

Then I’m going to a fancy dress party – come as a famous cheese

It’s at the Hilton

My friend is going as Edam Maria, I’m going as Paris Stilton.

 

Cheese, Cheese

You can eat it with ease

Can be enjoyed by GPs and Amputees

Asylum seekers and Refugees

You can eat whilst listening to Fur Elise,

The Bee Gees or Alicia Keys

Or whilst watching a film starring actor John Cleese

You can snack whist hanging from a circus trapeze

Or wearing your favourite dungarees

Nibble whilst strolling along Salford Quays,

Holidaying in the Outer Hebrides

Or even the luxurious Maldives.

Oh cheese, cheese, it’s the bees knees

More valuable than Oprah Winfreys golf tees

Better for you than any vitamin by Seven Seas

A bigger thrill than having a sneeze,

Watching several grand prixs

Or seeing John Prescott doing a strip tease.

Cheese smells finer than the finest bottom breeze

Makes you happier than monkeys in trees

Goes with any of Ainsley’s recipes

And comforts you after any number of catastrophes.

But limit your intake before catching some Z’s

And avoid whilst trying out new settees

Unless you go armed with a can of Frebreeze

But offer my Philadelphia and I’ll say ‘Yes please!’

I’m going to hoist annual cheddar Jamborees

With free Bousin and no entry fees

My Mum Denise thinks I have a disease

But I do not care – I just love cheese.