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First you have milk, then curds and whey

Leave a while longer…..then cheese; Hurray!

The one sure thing to make me elated

Be it sliced, cubed, crumbled or grated

Yes, when it comes to cheese I get very excited

Like when Gary Hooper scores for Scunthorpe United


I’m going to have cheese cake on my wedding day

But best of all is when the photographer will say:

‘Everyone say cheese’ and I will go mental!

My husband will be like ‘Could you have shouted any louder?’

But I won’t hear him coz I’ll be yelling ‘Rockfort, Camembert, Gouda!’

And I am definitely going to wear a veil

So I can hide behind it and nibble on Wenslydale


Last night I updated my status on Twitter

‘I’m microwaving cheese inside a wholemeal Pitta’

Then I’m going to a fancy dress party – come as a famous cheese

It’s at the Hilton

My friend is going as Edam Maria, I’m going as Paris Stilton.


Cheese, Cheese

You can eat it with ease

Can be enjoyed by GPs and Amputees

Asylum seekers and Refugees

You can eat whilst listening to Fur Elise,

The Bee Gees or Alicia Keys

Or whilst watching a film starring actor John Cleese

You can snack whist hanging from a circus trapeze

Or wearing your favourite dungarees

Nibble whilst strolling along Salford Quays,

Holidaying in the Outer Hebrides

Or even the luxurious Maldives.

Oh cheese, cheese, it’s the bees knees

More valuable than Oprah Winfreys golf tees

Better for you than any vitamin by Seven Seas

A bigger thrill than having a sneeze,

Watching several grand prixs

Or seeing John Prescott doing a strip tease.

Cheese smells finer than the finest bottom breeze

Makes you happier than monkeys in trees

Goes with any of Ainsley’s recipes

And comforts you after any number of catastrophes.

But limit your intake before catching some Z’s

And avoid whilst trying out new settees

Unless you go armed with a can of Frebreeze

But offer my Philadelphia and I’ll say ‘Yes please!’

I’m going to hoist annual cheddar Jamborees

With free Bousin and no entry fees

My Mum Denise thinks I have a disease

But I do not care – I just love cheese.




He ain't heavi(ly pregant), he's my brother ►


tony sheridan

Sun 20th Jan 2013 19:16

Hi Mia. Nice to meet a cheese lover! Must try the cheese in wholemeal one! Great poem. Take care, Tony.

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Mia Darlone

Wed 28th Oct 2009 23:21

Thank you for your praise of my ode to the king of all dairy products, I love performing this one. (John I'll get round to transferring photos and sending - sorry for delay I'm manic prior to holiday - bring on the Fijian tree house!)

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Jeff Dawson

Thu 22nd Oct 2009 21:02

Hi Mia, just catching up now tour finished! Love this and it was funny Gary Hoope scroed for Scunthorpe just after you did this at grrenroom!

Can be enjoyed by GPs and Amputees
Asylum seekers and Refugees
You can eat whilst listening to Fur Elise,
The Bee Gees or Alicia Keys

awesome, makes me laugh now, hope youre okay hun, hope to see you soon and hope you like my latest morbid offering - am back writing, hope to do some more now! Jeff X

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winston plowes

Tue 6th Oct 2009 15:55

Hi Mia,
Yes... a fun day at the Royal Exchange.
I have attempted a serious cheese poem of my own however, it has become apparent I have neither your stamina nor rhyming ability...


I like edam cheese
its not as soft as brie is

And unlike orange cheddar
edam tastes much bedder ?!


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Chris Dawson

Tue 6th Oct 2009 15:08

Thank-you for the cheese.

<Deleted User> (5646)

Tue 6th Oct 2009 11:32

Hi Mia, i remember this at the Green room slam.
Thoroughly enjoyed the performance and happy you posted it for the readers. Great poem.


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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 6th Oct 2009 11:10

Very enjoyable. Can only imagine how it would go down a treat as performance.

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John Darwin

Tue 6th Oct 2009 07:54

:-) Never tire of hearing this, enjoyed it the other night at Royal Exchange. Any chance of sending that frog & bucket picture? My email address is on my profile.

Cheers (cheese)


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Neil West

Sun 4th Oct 2009 22:29

Ah, but have you remembered the crackers?

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