Punanis, Peckers and Poems
Punanis, Peckers and Poems
Written with Mike Anthony
There's no uncomfortable silence
They never think ‘shut up’
They never get moist when they talk smut
She can fart and burp
And he's never disturbed
And she doesn't frown at his vulgar words
Because hers are generally worse.
No subject taboo
Despite her attempts
Describing in detail
Her diarrhoea attack
He gets her back
A boil he once had on his ball sack.
She says his feet are stinky and they are burning her eyes
Whilst she talks about getting kinky with some guy.
She gives him batteries for his remote control
From her plastic partner, he’s told
And they're pretty old
She gives him four for free
But they're so dead they won't work the TV
He smiles because the gesture was actually pretty sweet.
She wears conservative pyjamas made of flannel
She’s got plenty of long legged pairs but they are tight
She hoiked them up once to avoid flashing him her belly
Her resultant camel’s foot was, by his admission
An unfortunate sight.
He repays her Thai green curry
With an amazing chilli
They listen to Steve Earle
And she discusses her love for her last shag’s willy
She asks if he thinks she was a drunken prize
But if you are he’s a fool’ he repies.
Then it’s her turn to advise
On how to dump his fuck buddy
In a way that won’t hurt her
And they laugh at how he’s gone off her
Because she’s a squirter.
There's no mistake she's a mate with soul
But she's not a soul mate
He'll keep her warm when she sleeps
And when the weathers bleak
But they don't share the same bed sheets
They live their lives in peace with ease
Because the chemical connections have never seeped
He sees that she is fit
But does not want to ride her
She sees that he is gorgeous
But doesn’t want him inside her
They see something special in each other
But not as a lover
They don’t share genes
But he feels like a brother.
They talk about the past
Drink to the bottom of the glass
But she never tweaks his nips
And he never squeezes her ass
Because you can't have your sister touching your schlong
That shit’s just wrong.
There’s a comfort that’s sought,
Arsing about aside,
There’s shared pasts they’ve related
Different routes to their scribing
That created a similar result
Both guilty of anger issues
Fuelled by things that weren’t their fault
Devil’s child tales and weird behaviour
Make them laugh on reflection
Pushing a pram full of bricks
And being scared of a dog’s erection.
She rolls in proud at 11am
Smelling of sex but happy
He high fives her
Then makes her a cup of tea
They drink together
But never from the furry cup
And she'll always get an honest answer
When she asks how she looks.
At the end each day
They don't touch lips with a kiss
He touches a fist with his sis’
Because the friendship they share is a gift
The perfect portrait of mates
They sit, speak and drink but it'll never be a date
A respite from intimate relationships
With no pressure to please
And no promises to break.