Every new dawn

Every new dawn brought you
a glass of sea in a knot
of salt, which squeezed
your breath while you sang
to make the unbridled fear
fall asleep in a whisper.
And we know the distance
bled  on that shore of hardships
by your trembling steps.
When the bread was crumbled
into nothing by the fangs
of war, which eat and kill
at the same time.
But in the secret shelter
of the soul you kept
clenched to the deep
the only real treasure:
that sincere root of love
and its  sap drenched
in the heart of life.
Barefoot on a path of stones
and moss and bad weather,
to reach a glimmering sky
of unripe peace to grow
brighter than a moon nearby.


In the maze ►


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Lynn Dye

Sat 12th Jan 2013 17:08

Welcome to WOL from me too, Carla. I found this beautiful, some lovely turns of phrase, as has already been mentioned.

<Deleted User> (6895)

Sat 12th Jan 2013 16:59

WE only need one word to describe this-


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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 6th Dec 2012 20:57

These lines have a lovely element of unusual metaphors such as: 'which squeezed your breath while you sang to make the unbridled fear fall asleep in a whisper' and several others. They were not easy to find as the line breaks didn't lead me naturally into them. I did wonder whether you had any 'plan' to use the 'turns' that you did. The poem was worth sticking with to acquire more familiarity.

Welcome to WOL. You'll enjoy the group here, especially if you begin to take an active part. IMO, don't be shy to comment on the work of others, and don't be thin-skinned about comments on your own work. We are a motley group with diverse interests, as a good site should be.

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Carla Tombacco

Tue 4th Dec 2012 19:08

Thank you very much Anthony for your welcome and careful reading. In fact "clunched" is a typo, as you wrote in your comment I ment "clenched". Sorry! I've just corrected it.

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Anthony Emmerson

Tue 4th Dec 2012 14:10

Welcome to WOL Carla. I enjoyed reading this; full of nuggets of phrase and idea with a sensual feel in the descriptions. I particularly liked:

"a glass of sea in a knot
of salt"

One word I did struggle with was "clunched" - I couldn't find any reference in the dictionaries and wondered whether it was an invented variation of "clenched" - or, maybe even a typo! Nevertheless I did enjoy the read.


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