This is a recording of my reading of The Dentist.  The poem is on my profile, but I've posted it again below.

The Dentist

 I really must visit the dentist

 It’s been on my mind for some time

 But I’m really not keen on revealing

 The things that he’s likely to find

 He’ll say “Oh good grief, just look at your teeth

 I’m afraid they’re far from the cleanest

 Stifle your groans, just take out a loan

 And ensure that you see my hygienist”

 The hygienist of course is a sadist

 Why else would you take on that job?

 Torture disguised as a treatment

 And a chance to stick pins in your gob.

 It seems I might need a mortgage

 I regret I was never insured

 Though I have two teeth which are broken,

 He’s refusing my club card reward.

 The dentist is umming and aahing

 He’s only just now getting started

 He’s trying to look at my fillings

 If only my lips could be parted

 “Get out of my mouth you dentistry lout

 Leave my holes and my fillings alone

 In fact I’m not free can’t you see I’m busy

 I really do need to go home”

 He’s got his syringe he’s going to infringe

 The privacy of my poor gums

 The Nurse has a frown she’s got me held down

 All I need to do now is succumb.

 I’m hearing the drill I think I feel ill

 I’m not sure if I’m numb yet or not.

  I can’t open wide, I’m sorry I lied

 That’s no hole, just a small blackish dot.

 Give me a general I’ll be calm and convivial.

 “OK madam you’re done, you can rinse.”

 My god is it done, I’m so glad that I’ve come

 Piece of cake – and without even a wince!