Ann Foxglove

tent

by Ann Foxglove

Saturday 14th April 2012 7:08 pm (first posted Sunday 8th April 2012 4:43 pm)

There’s no room in my tent for you

Only space enough for me

My feet poke out quite brave

The rest of me hidden away.

Bees buzz, grass tickles my toes

That’s all of the world I need

If my tent had a big iron lock

I’d lock it to keep you out.

I’ve got crayons and a big book

And sandwiches in a tin

And I don’t have to let you talk

And I don’t have to let you in.

Inside I’m still five years old.

And I don’t need you at all.

I don’t need anybody.

My tent is all I need.

The sun shines through the walls

Makes me warm and safe inside

I could try and sleep here

As long as no one comes.

I’m so safe inside my tent

So you can just go away.

This tent is PRIVATE.

Go away. Go away. Go away.

And don’t come back!

alienation childhood

◄ song - nova scotia

our bench ►

Comments

<Deleted User> (10423)

Fri 15th Jun 2012 02:36

Ahhh, the inosense of childhood. Not a care in the world except crayons, a book and a tent to hide in. Bliss. 8-)

Baarbaara Sheep

Thu 7th Jun 2012 17:24

Awww so lovely takes you back, I actually have a wigwam tent, but due to great british weather have only used it once, can't wait to get it up again....Thanks for the memories

Robert Mann

Mon 30th Apr 2012 15:17

Reminiscent of my retreats into the 'man cave' for respite from the world. The inner child is something we should strive to never lose. Lovely sentiments.

Ann Foxglove

Sat 14th Apr 2012 19:09

Have re-jigged - thanks to comments from Graham & Cynthia particularly. I think it's a bit better now.

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sat 14th Apr 2012 14:52

It is an interesting poem, Ann. Would you consider making it shorter? Sometimes, I think, lengthening an idea weakens rather than strengthens a concept. I always have to fight this tendency. It occurs to me that bringing it into 8-line stanzas might accomplish the same end, sneaky but effective?

Lynn Dye

Thu 12th Apr 2012 14:08

I really like this, Ann, and can identify with that feeling too, at times. Well done xx

<Deleted User> (6315)

Tue 10th Apr 2012 13:12

I relate to this so easily Ann, nothing wrong with hiding away for a time..just for a while mind you..xx

Alan Pascoe

Mon 9th Apr 2012 16:40

An interesting poem Ann.

How would it look using lower case for each line instead of capitals?

Also, the last two lines of the third stanza, could you use something similar as a leitmotif at the end of each stanza?

In the fourth stanza, take the second line, place it at the end then add another line, again as a leitmotif.

Ann Foxglove

Mon 9th Apr 2012 16:05

Thanks all - this was written in a mood of "I'm drawing the curtains and you can all go away!" Not really a children's piece - but maybe shows we all stay how we were at age - five? Not sure why but I am in a withdrawing phase. Nice to hear from you all though.

Freda Davis

Mon 9th Apr 2012 15:06

I don't get alienation, Ann, so much as the desire for privacy. It does have a somewhat anxious feel to it though. Maybe its that little verse that introduces somebody else- 'you speak'- 'its a good job you have nothing to say'. The rest of it may feel safe and hidden, but this shows that actually the 'other' is within reach and holding back. Nice punchy form to it.

Yvonne Brunton

Mon 9th Apr 2012 12:14

we all need a private place to retire to/hide in at some time or other. 8 or 80 years old this captures that feeling.Well done.

Andy N

Mon 9th Apr 2012 10:08

lovely piece, ann... you defo have a feel for kids poetry.. love it - perfect start to the day for me xx

winston plowes

Sun 8th Apr 2012 20:29

hi Ann, What a lovely idea and subject. Cozy

Some people seek comfort in the freedom of wide open spaces. Other in being snuggled up in a small space. I think that these opposite instincts may be with us from birth and unchangeable. Living on a canal boat, guess which camp I fall into?

Win x

Graham Sherwood

Sun 8th Apr 2012 17:34

Ha ha! This reminds me of being a young lad and building tree houses. We always assumed that nobody knew w were up there, invisible, secret. I'm sure we weren't.

I liked the solitary feel of this Ann. Verse three is somewhat out of balance I feel, but a lovely piece. Hope you're well by the way? Regards, Graham

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