I paid 50 quid for an escort

It was 45 minutes of fun

But I was left feeling gutted and a bit of a mug

When it broke down on the bloody M1

I’m out of credit and it’s pissing it down

When a voice yells ‘It’s alright, don’t panic’

I turn round, oh my god, he is beautiful

And thank god – the guy’s a mechanic!

You glanced at my airbags

And lended me your jumper

I could read your mind so clearly

‘I’d love to bump-her’

I fell in love on the forecourt

And was soon caught on all fours

You were a shiny red ferarri

Who had opened his doors

Couldn’t believe my luck

Your gearstick was so big

And your driving skills were incredible

I asked you ‘Are you the Stig?’

I was in top gear

You were so unique

I was obsessed with your chassey

And your more tongue dirt technique

Feet firmly on the accelerator

No need for a crash barrier

Doing 5000 miles in the 1st 6 weeks

And saving for a people carrier

At times I wanted to throttle you

I’d hit the roof- wracked with scorn

But in no time I’m back to lubricating your nuts

Because you really gave me the horn

And I’d make mistakes, like taking corners at 60

And cause us both to skid

I’d ruined the suspension on several occasions

And like a convertable - you’d flip your lid.

But we were solid

You were my Grease Monkey

Took me under your wing

I was a die-hard motor junkie

U-turned me into a petrol head

I was happier then Jeremy Clarkson in a Lambrogini Gallardo

 

But then we hit black ice.

 

Took a wrong turning, ran out of oil, couldn’t steer, deflated, punctured, stranded 

With no sat nav to guide us

 

We’d dropped 4 gears

The arguements were tyre-ing

I was exhausted from all the tears

 

We took a brake

But you’re too compliant

And get straight under the bonnet of a robin reliant.

So much for giving ourselves some time to meander

I held you up there as an Aston Martin

But you’re actually a Fiat Panda

 

I refilled my oil and booked in for a valet

And down the road I’m more level-headed

Yet the AA are on speed dial – the problem being I’m Diesel

And yet continue to choose unleaded.