Distant Friends

by Lynn Dye

Monday 5th March 2012 6:50 pm (first posted Sunday 4th March 2012 7:23 pm)

He was always such a popular guy

With both men and women alike,

Sociable, handsome and seemingly

Well suited to his pretty wife.

A better looking young family

I know you could not wish to meet,

Adorable kids of five and three,

Then I met her once in the street.

She tried to put a brave face on it

But I could see she was upset.

Left on her own with two children,

So heartless he seemed to get.

“I never knew about his affair.”

Her shock was clear as she spoke.

“Left for another woman,” I cried.

“No, it was for another bloke!”

All the things she might blame herself for!

Harsh? Uncaring? Or too tender?

Yet nothing much could she have changed,

Just merely of the wrong gender.

He moved away and the years went by,

Bought a pub the last I heard.

I guess he’d just done what he had to

In this mad, imperfect world.

Comments

Lynn Dye

Wed 7th Mar 2012 12:09

But this is supposed to be after the tweaks, Nick!
Lol. Glad you like it, thank you.

<Deleted User> (10123)

Wed 7th Mar 2012 11:17

An enjoyable read, yet must agree with JC about the tweaks! A few years ago, say ten, the gender trip-up would have been a howler. That does not detract from its pleasant way of addressing the subject. Liked it. Ta much.

Lynn Dye

Mon 5th Mar 2012 19:21

Thank you everyone for your comments, much appreciated.

Yvonne, I understand what you mean about verse. I often find it works better with some poems than others. This originally started out quite quirky, until I decided the subject deserved a more sensitive approach.

John and Dave, I am most interested in your mention of a syllabic tweak. Someone on here once advised using the same amount of beats in each line, which was something I hadn't tried before. So I did try it here, and what do you know, it hasn't worked so well!!
So I have tweaked it now more into my usual format.

Stef, I'm glad you were looking over my shoulder, I don't know how I missed that word, so thanks a lot. xx

<Deleted User> (6895)

Mon 5th Mar 2012 08:18

Hi Lynn.
Good poem on a topical subject
i.e gay marriages etc.
Not keen on on the idea of marriage
being redefined but as you indicate,
we are now living in a crazy,imperfect world.

Might one just point out
in a kindly way that you forgot
to include the word-see-in the second line
third verse."but I could-see-she was quite upset"

Oh yes! we're looking over your shoulder!
haha.xx

Dave Bradley

Mon 5th Mar 2012 06:56

Interesting and thought-provoking, Lynn. Yes it could do with syllabic tweaking as John says but that doesn't really detract. I was talking recently to a friend who went through the other half of this experience (he was the man who left). His take on it in retrospect is that he is amazed now that it took him so long to realise.
To 'crazy' and 'far from perfect' one could perhaps add 'full of surprises', 'complicated' and 'infinitely diverse' but it wouldn't scan then would it.

John Coopey

Sun 4th Mar 2012 21:07

'Ey up, monkey.
Me too. I liked it. Au contraire, mon repos. I didn't mind the form. I did think a couple of the lines could benefit from some syllabic tweaking but I'm a bit anal like that (not like that).
Time to stop digging!

Yvonne Brunton

Sun 4th Mar 2012 20:11

An interesting subject. Although I feel that the verse structure rather detracts from the subject matter. This is obviously a lighthearted approach. I like the flag in line 2 'with both men and women alike' I think you could have left the last verse off and still had an effective poem but,the last line delivers a powerful, non judgemental message. Well done - I liked it more and more on the 2nd and 3rd readings.e

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Distant Friends

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