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Selby - "My Least Favourite Things"

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(A tongue-in-cheek look at Selby)

  

Raindrops on pavements the size of plum puddings

Means that in two days that Barlby’d be flooding

“Who’s nicked the sandbags?” as leakages spring

These are a few of my least favourite things.

 

Trolleys and beer cans and fresh doggy-doodles

Left on the towpath by loose-bowelled poodles

Scooped into Tesco bags tied up with string

These are a few of my least favourite things.

 

Where’ve the ships gone?

Where’ve the mines gone?

Wasn’t Woolworth’s sad?

I simply remember my least favourite things

And that’s why I feel so bad.

 

Dealer with pit-bull which snarls and it gnashes

Peddling escapism in eighth ounce stashes

Gives you bad nightmares just like Stephen King’s

These are a few of my least favourite things

 

Airborne pollution is unsatisfactory

Pungent aroma from town’s pickle factory

Traffic at peak times to rival Beijing’s

These are a few of my least favourite things.

 

Where’ve the ships gone?

Where’ve the mines gone?

…..etc

 

Bans upon “A – boards” which obstruct our walking

But there is no choice as there is no parking

Full into action the Council now swings

These are a few of my least favourite things.

 

Drunk on a night-time gives you a good kicking

Looking for doorways to find to be sick in

Into his black van the good bobby flings

These are a few of my least favourite things.

 

Where’ve the ships gone?

Where’ve the mines gone?

….etc

◄ Kranp

Selby Abbey ►

Comments

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Lynn Dye

Thu 2nd Aug 2012 23:12

Only just found this, John, gave me and the old man a good chuckle. Thanks, another belter.

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Harry O'Neill

Thu 26th Jan 2012 22:04


Back to your best John.

The `doodles` and `poodles` lines are positively melodious, with the tautness of the `string` and `things` finishing the verse off perfectly.

Thanks for livening my day

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M.C. Newberry

Thu 26th Jan 2012 15:43

O what a beautiful morning,
O what a beautiful day
I've got a beautiful feeling
J.C. is heading our way...
Top notch fun and worth any public performance
you can get for it.
Mind you, Rodgers & Hammerstein might have taken out a contract...:-)

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Graham Sherwood

Thu 26th Jan 2012 14:12

We are not worthy!! Great words.

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Dave Bradley

Thu 26th Jan 2012 08:03

Classic! Very enjoyable

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 26th Jan 2012 07:51

Another hilarious goodie John! Love it!! (Esp those loose-bowelled poodles!)

<Deleted User> (6315)

Wed 25th Jan 2012 22:03



oh my the very thought of lederhosen and dirndl has muddled my mind..but yes this would perform great at the Tudor John. :)

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Isobel

Wed 25th Jan 2012 18:20

Didn't realise you were a strummer, John!

I'd love to hear this at the Tudor. Would love to back you up even. The Sound of Music is my favourite musical. I think we'd look really good in lederhosen and dirndl! x

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