Note: No profile exists for this entry - most likely it was deleted.
Ah, that was a sight!
Betty in the end-of-summer light.
A recent rinse of rain had washed the air
Glistening the low sun`s shining everywhere,
When a frisk wind, come upon her laughing there,
Wrestled with the sun-glints in her hair.
And, snatching her long carillons of delight,
So tossed them every place around the height
That the coming night
Was filled with Betty laughing everywhere.
And me - me stood watching -
What could I do but fall in love with her?
Tag WOL Comp
Finish the other thing cos I'd like to read it but let this stand for the competition too! Up the revolution - I'm a great fan of poetry with me, myself and I in it! In fact I wanted to write an entry called Me, Myself and I but it just wouldn't come... Anthony knows I'm a trouble maker - he's probably expecting a bit of dissidence ;)
Isobel thanks...you`re right!
(Shit! now I`ll have to try and finish the other bloody thing!)
But fair`s fair...thanks again.
Not many people can say they fell in the garden of Gethsemani...
What a wonderful holiday you had Harry - and as Winston says, ripe for writing about. I'm glad I caught your comment as it led me to read this wonderful poem. I love it. It just captures the moment so well - and it's not just love - it's joy.
There is only one change I'd make and not because the poem needs it - just because of Anthony's pesky rules. You've tagged it with WOL comp and I think the WOL comp stipulates no use of I, Me or My. I'm not sure how you get around that. Changing me to he loses some of the charm. Perhaps we the voters will just have to revolt!
Hi Harry, Spotted your last comment... There must be at least three poems in your comment alone. Have a rest, deep breath and let it flow lol, Win
Thanks all...sorry for the delay...been on holiday to the Middle East.
Where I...Fell and hurt my hand in the garden of Gethsemini...relieved the pain against a cold stone on the Wailing Wall...then - still in pain - squeezed past thousands of Moslems
winding down the Way of the Cross on their way to pray at the Dome of the Rock.
If that`s not ecumenism tell me what is.
Bethlehem - behind its graffiti daubed wall was
moving.(and it wasn`t me that started that fight that broke out later between the priests)
The Suez Canal was lovely and peaceful...the Pyramids are still there...and central Cairo is still goriously and magnificently shabby.
Finally..the Egyptians are still the most amiable Muslims in the world.
I really enjoyed the joy in this, Harry.
For me, the last two lines - (or at least the last) needs to be tweaked.
Perhaps...
And me - I stood watching -
What could I do but fall in love right there?
One of my favourite poems is Leigh Hunt's "Jenny Kissed Me". These lines carry on
a grand tradition...brevity is bliss!
<Deleted User> (7212)
Wed 14th Dec 2011 22:36
a masterful use of imagery and words - first rate
You dirty old bugger. Still trying, I see, Harry!
Seriously, this is top-notch. Everything the others have said and Merry Christmas.
Agree with all the others, Harry. It sweeps you up. That Betty must be quite a girl.
Hi Harry. nice to see something lovely on these pages. Brightened my lunch break. thank you. Win
Lovely poem, Harry, I enjoyed too.
This is lovely, Harry. Could well receive some votes.
Thank you for commenting on Father. Christmas.
Philipos
Tue 13th Dec 2011 17:06
You capture your love scene very well. Enjoyed.
<Deleted User> (6895)
Tue 13th Dec 2011 17:01
Harry!
you are going to cost us a fortune-
in Kleenex!
Beautiful!
Thank you.
P&S.xx
If you wish to post a comment you must login.
This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Wed 11th Jan 2012 12:15
I do like the aura of this, and the imagery. Often, that impact alone is enough to make a good poem. IMO, there are some words that caused blockage, like '"recent" rain' (which didn't even seem necessary for metric count). And perhaps 'carillons' is so unusual, a musical word for hair, that its originality bothered me,rather than amazed me. And yet - it sure sticks in the mind.!