We were too cold to oversleep
that first year in Wallsend.
The wind walked booming
into our lives, propelling us.
Battered, you were sweet to kiss,
breath and sweat of exertion
from riding into gale and air,
hair blow-waved, set by sea salt.
We ate no meat and my oven
was a cardboard box, foil-lined.
You brought treasures: lentils
and “A Kumquat for John Keats”.
<Deleted User> (6315)
Sun 20th Nov 2011 22:00
ahh this is a poem I can read over Elaine..great stuff, just gonna play catch up on your other writes now...having terrible trouble with this site..sighs.. :)
I like the 'wash' of small details that symbolize great events like 'survival', and 'love' that cannot be dislodged by hardships, strengthened even. Whatever is that 'thing' you have when you are young, that denies creature comforts and feeds instead on the gift of a book of poetry from a mystical, mythical century?
I do question 'walked'. Somehow it doesn't 'boom'. For me, alliteration doesn't save the word, even though it probably means also that you had only 'shanks mare' for transport.
A sweet poem. In contrast to Laura, I thought the 2nd verse were least effective.I'm not entirely sure it makes grammatical sense. I know it's poetry but still...
I'd have preferred the end of the first verse to carry on, for you to be propelled somewhere specific.But that's just me.Lovely last verse.
excellent, Elaine.. well structured stuff.. xx
Not that you're obsessed with Keats at all mate, honest ;p
I love that second verse, so evocative. And treasures being lentils - all the little things in life that make us happy :)
Enjoyed this Elaine.
I live on the coast here, very subject to the prevailing westerlies. Some days it's just not worth brushin' yer 'er. 5 yards walk to the car and it's skewiff.
Very nice, Elaine.
I worked at Wallsend a couple of years ago. I suspect the riverscape was alot different when you were there if the shipyards were still open.
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Anthony Emmerson
Wed 30th Nov 2011 14:23
Hi Elaine,
Like other commentators I much enjoyed this.
Regards,
A.E.