You

Friday 11th November 2011 2:10 am

You

You only feel lonely when you’re in a crowd
Say you need peace and quiet then turn the music up loud
Only feel let down when you’re being held up
Say you’re okay, and then almost erupt
Only feel my presence when I’m far away
Only say go, when you want me to stay.

You speak words of wisdom and act like a fool
Set high standards for others, then break every rule
Write about love and emit words of hate
Wake up early but leave the house late
Say you’re a good listener but don’t hear a sound
Draw square circles and rectangles that are round.

You, no longer pull the strings that control me
You’re losing your hold and I’m being set free
I travel a different route now so our paths will not cross
Stronger, bolder, brighter wiser and no love lost
You my doubt, my contradictions, my insecurity and fear
Don’t look for me in my old address because you won’t find me there.

Comments

Rachel Bond

Mon 14th Nov 2011 23:32

yes teju i think if the world were fair they would...some of em like to really carve a scar however as if to prove their own existence and they do..in doubt, in fear, in contradiction, so insecurely they leave a trace like a ghost and i wonder how they ever got near...

Lynn Dye

Mon 14th Nov 2011 23:31

I enjoyed this very much, Teju, love the contradictions.

Teju

Mon 14th Nov 2011 18:36

Thanks for your comments all.

@Rachel - answer to question in 3rd para - you'd hope so.

@ Andy - thanks, I'll consider, however, it's my first draft and that wasn't the ending I intended initially. I think it's clear to see that the last stanza is quite different from the first two. It's in this one that I decided to change who the narrator is speaking to.

<Deleted User> (9801)

Sun 13th Nov 2011 17:16

Strong women, I like it xx

Andy N

Sat 12th Nov 2011 10:55

good stuff, i'm with rachel - i can relate to the first two verses / stanzas perfectly.

you may find the last line may have a extra beat in it - perhaps rewording it a little to remove a few words, but either way i enjoyed it.. keep em coming x

Rachel Bond

Sat 12th Nov 2011 00:27

'[you] draw square circles and rectangles that are round' great.

the first two verses could describe me easily.

'you my doubt, my contradictions, my insecurity and fear'...do you think that if they gone theyll take these with them?

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