Note: No profile exists for this entry - most likely it was deleted.
She watches her flame
tamed beneath the bell jar
blue, cold,
covered
with sadness.
Once it flared
gloriously
and warmth would tickle
across her face
over hands
her breasts
in her hair,
until colour gifted
wonderful words
to a cycle of smiles
But habitual thoughts
win sometimes.
'Best not' seems
more sensible.
And passion?
Passion is a captive action
left for others to speak of.
love the last stanza here Stella, but it's a strong, well structured piece - bet it'll go down well live also xx
Philipos
Mon 19th Sep 2011 20:59
I liked the overall effect of this - nicely thought through and very readable.
I'm not presuming this is about you Stella - it wouldn't tie in with the woman I know. If you are anything like me though, you have moods and the strangest poetry comes out when you are in one. My last was about feeling old and past it - though not many would have guessed it LOL. You express yourself beautifully. x
I like nearly all of it;
some of it is fantastic.
a cycle of smiles
But habitual thoughts
win sometimes.
'Best not' seems
more sensible.
Great.
The only bit I'm not a fan of is 'consumed' as for me that has an unwanted double connotation given love can be consumed and consummated. So consumed can be thought of as enacted.
There are options including the movement of the word captive...then again who knows- subjectivity an all that.
My Best
Chris
There's plenty of time to get old, Stella. Keep burning.
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Laura Taylor
Wed 21st Sep 2011 11:19
Ooo I like this stella - the way it starts all cold and shrunk, then opens right up and you can actually FEEL the warmth and glory at the colour and heat, then moves quietly back to a 'safe' place