When the silence is loud and smothering I put on a pot
I settle into the nearest chair and call up my friend Regret.
He’s an old ally I don’t know how to live without.
I offer him a cup as we play a game of catch up.
The scent fills the room around us, then I melt into my mug.
He does most of the talking as I listen in pained focus.
Bitter coffee burns my lips and I swallow down the steaming brew.
We talk about the past and visit stale memories.
With each sip we reminisce.

He tells me of the lies I've told and the way I've demolished trust. 

He weighs me in my fears like I'll never get enough. 

I ought to choke him while I have the chance but my grip fails. He reminds me of old lovers and heartbreak that still lasts. We were young renegades chasing youth without a clue.

He won’t let me forget.
My past is a screen stuck on repeat and
He knows of all the skeletons I’ve hung in my closet, wasting no time dragging them out.
For a moment I pause to taste the lingering flavor of caffeine on my tongue
Regret interrupts with hostility
He torments me with the wrong I’ve committed
Bringing up conversation of days I can’t outlive.
He scoffs at my foolish mistakes and points fingers at each excuse
Regret runs through my veins and tears out my heart
“Remember how you let him down? You'll never be enough!" "This emptiness  inside you you've inflicted on yourself! 

 I do not own my life I've sold my soul to Regret.