Men wear beards

because they think

it makes them more virile

more handsome

it's all about ego

plus the fact that they are too lazy to shave

that being the case

they fail to realize the stench

that goes along with a full grown beard

that musty mossy odor

that emanates from tangled beards

is the same as that of stagnant ponds

and swamps of green algae

the odor of rotting logs

the smell of mud and dead fish

so in order to disperse that rank aroma

they should try this handy dandy remedy

mix one cup of bleach

with a quart of Mr. Clean toilet cleaner

add in two tablespoons of Sargent's Flea and Tick

and some Arm and Hammer industrial strength detergent

apply heavily to beard with wire brush

work in thoroughly until skin almost falls off

then sit out in the sun for approximately two weeks, minimum

the beard will eventually start to smell fresher and cleaner

and wrens will start to build nests in it

when the eggs hatch

you are home free

remove nest and

come back inside the house.