MY SWEET HOARD

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(I have, rather belatedly, come to understand why people are stockpiling toilet rolls)

 

My Sweet Hoard

Ooh-ooh My Hoard

My bog roll hoard

At home is stored

I’m happy that I’ve bought ya

I got more than I oughta

In Tesco’s it was slaughter

But I nabbed all I could afford.

 

My Sweet Hoard

My bog roll hoard

We scratched and clawed

I took my sword

But now in isolation

I can without cessation

Indulge my masturbation

That proves my thinking wasn’t flawed.

 

My Sweet Hoard

Ooh-ooh My Hoard

My bog roll hoard

At home is stored.

◄ I'LL BEAT THIS VIRUS WITH TOILET ROLLS

LP's, SINGLES and 78's ►

Comments

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John Coopey

Tue 24th Mar 2020 17:06

Thanks, MC. “Enjoying the pleasure of one’s own company” is a favourite of mine.

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M.C. Newberry

Tue 24th Mar 2020 15:52

Lines that demonstrate hilarity in vulgarity.
I've often wondered at the virtuous mindset that thought up the description "self-abuse" for what is more accurately "self-love".
Self-hate perhaps?

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John Coopey

Tue 24th Mar 2020 09:40

I’m sure you’re right, Greg. A little too near the knuckle, I fear. Luckily, I am trying to preserve my amateur status.

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Don Matthews

Tue 24th Mar 2020 08:59

Trosh = thresh Po
I found out from Goog
You may be from Norfolk
But we played with doogs

We played it as kids
We played it at school
Each one had a doog bag
The game had it's rules

Sorry John, Gone off-poem but nuff shit already flying round....

One doog was Tom Bowler
Which offers a clue
We played it for keeps and
The craze it just grew

Shit John. I'll have the Thought Police onto me next for not commenting about your blog. But let's face it, too much shit is not a good thing


😖

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Greg Freeman

Tue 24th Mar 2020 08:54

I'm not sure this kind of thing will further your radio career, John ...

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John Coopey

Tue 24th Mar 2020 08:51

Keep yew on a trosh’n, bor.

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poemagraphic

Tue 24th Mar 2020 07:35

I'll be fine with my loaded dice
Live or die is not my choice...

Or perhaps it is.

If we are our own devil and we are our god
I'll just keep on troshing as we say Norfolk
Onward I'll plod

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John Coopey

Tue 24th Mar 2020 07:23

Thanks for your further thoughts, Po and Don
When you say you’ll “miss” me, Kev, is that with those rotten tomatoes? You too should stay safe with all those crackpots in Grimstone Low. If either of us should shake a six we can do so in the knowledge that we have forever added to the pantheon of literary culture.

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kJ Walker

Tue 24th Mar 2020 06:56

John you're bonkers. But I'm going to miss you more than anyone during this lockdown.
Stay safe
Keep washing your hands
And watch who you accept crisps from
Cheers Kevin

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Don Matthews

Tue 24th Mar 2020 02:43

Chief Master Rodder of Police
You've really got the shits
To go through hundred toilet rolls
The shits, you must have it

Now Master Po has said to toe
Toe the WOLer line
Don't forget to wash your sox
And hands, before you dine

As chief representative of the WOL Rodder Police I am keeping a watchful eye on you. Don't come back saying you've run out of sox and had to..... We have standards to maintain on WOL.... As you well realise...

😎

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poemagraphic

Tue 24th Mar 2020 00:11

Look John You really must toe the line. You sound more like a heal everyday.
Po

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John Coopey

Mon 23rd Mar 2020 23:07

I've run out of bog paper, Po. It's dirty socks from the laundry basket now.
Don - I prefer your more evangelising tone.

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Don Matthews

Mon 23rd Mar 2020 22:11

Chief Bation Rodder of Police
(Also head of vice)
Am looking hard at what you're saying
You're skating on thin ice

We are closely attached to
Police of Thought in WOL
We both work hard (with no pay)
To keep site clean, laugh LOL

😛

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Don Matthews

Mon 23rd Mar 2020 22:02

We are WOL's Bation Rod Police
Our batons in our hand
We keep site clean and sensible
To stop you being banned

We also police rods and rolls......

😎

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poemagraphic

Mon 23rd Mar 2020 21:49

Stop it! Now you need to take yourself in hand young man.
Po

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John Coopey

Mon 23rd Mar 2020 21:34

Thanks, Ray. I seem to recall Portnoy's Complaint offered much advice on this matter.

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raypool

Mon 23rd Mar 2020 21:24

Eloquent if inelegant, and answers a need that might explain at least one motive for self comfort John. I recall stories as a teenager in the last century of the abuse of cardboard tubes too - not to be ignored as a last resort. The equation of self isolation and self abuse now seems evident.

Ray

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John Coopey

Mon 23rd Mar 2020 20:55

Stop it, Brian. You'll have Don on my case.

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Brian Maryon

Mon 23rd Mar 2020 20:46

Right, that's a yellow card for saying masturbation John!

Oh God, I've got to give myself a yellow card now!

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