I'LL BEAT THIS VIRUS WITH TOILET ROLLS

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I’ll beat this virus

I’ll beat this virus with toilet rolls

I’ll beat this virus

I’ll beat this virus with toilet rolls

 

I’ve filled my trolley

I’ve filled my trolley with twenty packs

Enough by golly

Enough by golly for 12 months cack.

 

I fought a shopper

I fought a shopper who wanted one

I had to drop her

I had to drop her cos stocks had gone

 

I’m being thrifty

I’m being thrifty  (they won’t go stale)

At £12.50

At £12.50 they’re up for sale.

 

If isolated

If isolated well, I’m OK

They won’t get outdated

They won’t get outdated come what may.

 

The bigger issue

The bigger issue don’t bother me

I’ve toilet tissue

I’ve toilet tissue for poo and pee.

 

I’ll beat this virus

I’ll beat this virus with toilet rolls

I’ll beat this virus

I’ll beat this virus with toilet rolls

◄ I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE

MY SWEET HOARD ►

Comments

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John Coopey

Mon 23rd Mar 2020 07:48

Glad it worked, Ruth. As soon as flights resume I shall expect my invitation to present my footprint on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame.

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Ruth O'Reilly

Sun 22nd Mar 2020 20:32

Well John, You've made your radio debut today! It sounded good on the radio actually and a couple of people said it was funny. I've actually never featured poet's recordings like that before I think it worked. Cheers thanks for the permission.

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John Coopey

Sat 21st Mar 2020 08:17

Not at all, Ruth. Make sure you tell them I’m good looking!
(And it might be nice to prewarn your listeners that I am a writer and definitely not a singer!)

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Ruth O'Reilly

Fri 20th Mar 2020 23:26

It's a community station allfm96.9 it'll be on Sunday afternoon. Just wanted to check that you'd not mind me using it. Cheers John!

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John Coopey

Fri 20th Mar 2020 22:27

Wow, Ruth! You’re more than welcome but I fear your listenership might plummet!
What show is it and what station?

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Ruth O'Reilly

Fri 20th Mar 2020 22:15

No probs John, could I play your song my radio show? I'm thinking it might be a bit of light relief! 😁

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John Coopey

Fri 20th Mar 2020 21:20

Newspapers were bad, Po, but the TVTimes was worse.
And thanks for the Like, Rich.

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poemagraphic

Fri 20th Mar 2020 20:05

..."I could solve the crisis in a heartbeat, MC. I’d take all the toilet rolls out of the stores and replace them with Izal, that scratchy, greasy, stuff we had in our outside netty."

Had?

Who remembers dear old Alf sitting on the bog and tearing off a sheet of newspaper with a picture of Adolf on it...

His smile went from ear to ear... as did mine!

Izal... Luxury!

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John Coopey

Fri 20th Mar 2020 17:58

You need to be of a certain age, Jennifer, to remember the joys of Izal.
Failing Izal, MC, I would suggest a small dog.

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M.C. Newberry

Fri 20th Mar 2020 17:54

Ah yes...I remember it well. The time spent on the seat could be
seen as the domestic equivalent of "the bum's rush" !!
It was promoted as "medicated" as I recall. But then we war babies
were of a rationed "grateful for what we could get" generation.

jennifer Malden

Fri 20th Mar 2020 17:21

Don't get the increased need for loo paper, unless people are going to be sh..........ng them selves in panic? Newspaper (ouch!) is a possible alternative. Nice poem anyway. Another title could be Roll on.

Jennifer

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John Coopey

Fri 20th Mar 2020 17:03

I could solve the crisis in a heartbeat, MC. I’d take all the toilet rolls out of the stores and replace them with Izal, that scratchy, greasy, stuff we had in our outside netty.

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M.C. Newberry

Fri 20th Mar 2020 16:36

Good for you, JC. Always topical and entertaining. What next?
"I Fought The Store" perhaps?

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John Coopey

Fri 20th Mar 2020 16:34

Always a bonus to wake up each morning, Po.
And thanks for the Likes, Kev and Dorothy.

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poemagraphic

Fri 20th Mar 2020 10:54

I woke up this morning with this as an ear-worm
Dam you Mr C

Po

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John Coopey

Fri 20th Mar 2020 09:25

Indeed, Vautaw. It’s like a sketch from Monty Python. “Come at me with that banana”
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rVVTO2VmIBE

Thanks for the Likes Po, Branwell and Ruth.

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Vautaw

Thu 19th Mar 2020 23:46

Thanks for the smile and comic relief in this much too serious time. Who would have ever thought that the world would be hoarding toilet paper?!

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