A BLOWJOB A DAY

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I think it’s remarkable false hygiene goals

Have prompted the hoarding of stores’ toilet rolls;

In Morrison’s, Boots and in Asda the shelves

Are empty as numpties bulk buy for themselves;

Despite the advice of the experts, the dumb

Believe that the virus will egress your bum.

But Brexit has shown how misinformation

Gets swallowed wholesale by a gullible nation.

 

And so I will post on my Facebook’s News Feed

Fake news of my own; the message will read,

Advice the world over is ‘Doctors will say,

“A blowjob a day keeps the virus away”’.

◄ TORY BULLY

CORDUROYS ►

Comments

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John Coopey

Wed 11th Mar 2020 19:00

Thanks, Ray. Personally, I too wouldn’t have found this offensive. But to those who are offended, I say, “Be offended. Nothing will happen. You won’t break out in buboils. You won’t lose your virginity. You won’t become possessed.”. I don’t see it as the writer’s job to avoid offence.

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raypool

Wed 11th Mar 2020 16:43

Just a thought John. Neither blowjobs nor toilet rolls have sell by dates. Sounds like a recipe for happiness both ways. By the way, it's funny how humour can upset some. I'm not one of them.

Vive la fellatio.

Ray

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John Coopey

Tue 10th Mar 2020 23:08

You, Don. On and on and on and on.....

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Don Matthews

Tue 10th Mar 2020 22:55

Come women of WOL
You've shown no objection
I've had my injection
You'll get no infection

What? no-one interested?

Jeez John, What's going on?

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poemagraphic

Tue 10th Mar 2020 21:13

I hear penicillin is good for that John

You really must stop being rash!
Po

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John Coopey

Tue 10th Mar 2020 19:40

Quite, MC.
Po - I can feel a rash of puns coming on!

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poemagraphic

Tue 10th Mar 2020 17:45

M.C. Blow me... You hit the nail squarely on the head (No pun intended)

Then again...
Po

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poemagraphic

Tue 10th Mar 2020 17:42

..." I’ve never got out of the habit"...

Shouldn't that be ... I've never got out of her habit. John

Po

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M.C. Newberry

Tue 10th Mar 2020 16:55

Note: JC's blog was essentially about over-reaction. The response
appears to prove his point.

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John Coopey

Tue 10th Mar 2020 15:51

Ah, Slack Alice, Gus. In her role as Mother Superior she used to robustly purge us young boys of licentious thoughts. I’ve never got out of the habit.

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Gus Jonsson

Tue 10th Mar 2020 15:34

Poor Taste?
I always hated Laphroaig Whiskey
Yet love all others. Anyway I digress...

...well, the last time I was in Selby John,
Big Arthur otherwise known as Slack Prudence, one of the charity abbey cleaners and part time Mother Superior offered to dissipate and remove completely all vestiges of my sins with what I initially took to mean by means of a current of air.

If I had undergone Big Arthur's very kind offer, I would have been,
so he enthused, in Heaven. … Howdya like them apples!

Kind Regards
Gus.

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John Coopey

Tue 10th Mar 2020 14:36

Don and Hugh - I think women are a bit more resilient than you give them credit for. Certainly they raised no objections to this offering of 9 years ago.
https://www.writeoutloud.net/public/blogentry.php?blogentryid=20171

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Don Matthews

Tue 10th Mar 2020 13:46

Any time John.

😎

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John Coopey

Tue 10th Mar 2020 13:25

Surely you’re not suggesting poems with sexual references should be deleted from this site, Hugh? Do you not watch the telly after 9pm?
Indeed, MC. Perhaps we should ban trips round the ruins of Pompeii.
Nice to hear your further thoughts again, Don.

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M.C. Newberry

Tue 10th Mar 2020 13:02

Hail fellatio - well met !
I recall Catallus wrote on similar themes. Vulgarity is hardly new.😌

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Don Matthews

Tue 10th Mar 2020 12:48

Having said I'd say no more
Hugh arrives on scene
This ain't a smutty a sex site but
Some think smut should be seen

Where are all the womenfolk
Supporting anti-smut?
Am I the only WOLer here
Against it, with some guts?

Hugh is right
To not delete, will open up the door
For content very similar
Like some cock-sucking whore?

Doctor recommends for blowjob.
Expert job but might cost

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Hugh

Tue 10th Mar 2020 12:09

Inappropriate title and last line,should be deleted,this is not a sex site.Come on ladies support the deletion.Well done Don for your protest.Not deleting it will open the door for similar content
.Lots of ladies and younger people will be discouraged from visiting the site and will miss the literary talent and masterpieces that gets dispatched to this fantastic site

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Don Matthews

Tue 10th Mar 2020 12:08

I'm making no more comments
I've made my feelings clear
Let's all forget about the fuss
And go and have a beer

Gosh John, I think you now hold the record for number of comments.

Even LMS hasn't beat that. Yet

😎

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John Coopey

Tue 10th Mar 2020 10:03

Thanks Brian. And Tom for the Like.
I do take issue with you, Brian, about the LMS. I spent many a formative year spotting with my Ian Allan on the old GCR.

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Brian Maryon

Tue 10th Mar 2020 09:25

John

In order for the poem to be effective the punchline needed to be as outrageous as possible without being completely unnacceptable (at least to almost everyone) and I think you did exactly that.

Yes Graham...LMS continues ad nauseum.

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Graham Sherwood

Tue 10th Mar 2020 09:02

Okay Don,

I think we have all got the message that you do not approve. Time to let it go! We can't all like everything we read. I'm sure many do not approve of the LMS stuff but do not give you grief over it. Move on, nothing to see here!

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Don Matthews

Tue 10th Mar 2020 08:44

John

Attempts at trying to be funny over a poor taste topic I don't think should be on the site won't work

Please don't take this personally or as a go at your skill as a poet.
It is not

Don

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John Coopey

Tue 10th Mar 2020 08:40

And Thankyou Po. Also Brian and Itsjustme for the Likes.

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Don Matthews

Tue 10th Mar 2020 08:37

I do not agree with poor taste topics like this (which are accepted) appearing on the site. You can't then blame me for using poorer taste comments 'rebelling' against this. If the original 2xoffence didn't exist in the first place (and my concerns were listened to) I would not have had any need to raise it to offenceX10

I think think the blog and comments should be deleted. It seems to be getting out of hand. My point is allow a small offence and it could develop. And no-one wants that


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John Coopey

Tue 10th Mar 2020 08:35

Don, thanks for your further thoughts. What did you think of it as a poem?
Was the set-up too long for the punchline?
Was the use of dactylic metre suitable?
What about the conflation of fake news - hoarding, Brexit and fellatio?
Is the caesura between “shown” and “how” effective?
Should I have inserted “us” instead of the caesura?
Are the two feminine rhymes clumsy?
Your further thoughts are always welcome.

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poemagraphic

Tue 10th Mar 2020 07:46

People in glass houses should not throw stones Don.

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poemagraphic

Tue 10th Mar 2020 07:44

On a scale of 1 - 10 for offensive.

John Coopey 2

Don Matthews 10

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Don Matthews

Tue 10th Mar 2020 07:14

Going back to my original comment I think the subject is in poor taste and lowers the tone of the site.

To my way of thinking it should not have even appeared to begin with and be allowed to be 'built on'. (I did express concern to the moderators, to no avail)

My own comments were satirical and rebelling against what I saw as a poor taste topic being allowed. I don't like writing like this. It's against my grain. If a blog can be in poor taste and acceptable then I will write a comment in worse taste. This shouldn't be allowed to happen as it just lowers the tone of the site

The original topic is not funny, in poor taste and should not have appeared on WOL to begin with. I would then never have 'rebelled' like I have. And lowered the tone even further.......

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Don Matthews

Tue 10th Mar 2020 02:22

He wants to say more Eth....
I think he's trying to out-offend the writer luv...
Isn't competition banned on WOL Eth?.....Not healthy?...

Oh oh,,,here he goes

Take me floozy in your mouth
Shit! don't bite me so
I'm real tender on my tip
Let's all sing doh si doh

Sheesh Eth bit rough for tender WOLer eyes......
They're all very tolerant luv....
And look, it all rhymes!

Oh, oh.... he's starting up again Eth.....
Close your eyes luv.....

Shit almighty here I cum
Bang the cum cum drum
Shit almighty here I cum
Cum cum ho ho hum

Is it like a tom tom drum Eth?....
It does sound all a bit primeval luv.....

Wot's a blowjob Eth?.

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John Coopey

Mon 9th Mar 2020 23:24

Thanks, Don.

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Don Matthews

Mon 9th Mar 2020 23:14

Seems I need a floozy
To blowjob me each day
Forget the fucking Vegemite
On my toast I say

Tolerance is a virtue
And 'e does rhyme well luv

Come on flooze please dooze me
let's cock/cunt intertwine
Orgasm for immunity
Let's party on, great time

Scientists say (via Google)
Cumming makes you 'mune
So let's cry out in Bacchic splendour
Yoweee yoweee tune

Sheesh Eth. I'm trying to be tolerant....

But he does rhyme well luv......

Wot's a blowjob Eth?....

😎


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John Coopey

Mon 9th Mar 2020 17:06

On both counts, MC, we shall wait and see.

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M.C. Newberry

Mon 9th Mar 2020 16:41

Ha...many will say "Fancy that !" - and mean it.
Brexit and coronavirus have this virtue to achieve
Both seem sure to tire us and leave will not mean grieve. 😐

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John Coopey

Mon 9th Mar 2020 15:32

Don - vegemite. A poor substitute for the real thing.
Graham - Even if it doesn’t work, given the increased vulnerability of us old gits, it’s worth enjoying the pleasure before we shake a six,
Kevin - it’s my intention to offend as many as possible on Thurs.
Mika - It should be available on the NHS.

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Mika

Mon 9th Mar 2020 14:51

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kJ Walker

Mon 9th Mar 2020 14:26

Looking forward to hearing this at well spoken.

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Don Matthews

Mon 9th Mar 2020 13:15

Can't tolerate the taste
Of Marmite on my toast
Give me Aussie Vegemite
(Cos we know how to make the stuff......)

😎






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Graham Sherwood

Mon 9th Mar 2020 12:18

Tolerance is a virtue and it does rhyme well!

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John Coopey

Mon 9th Mar 2020 11:49

If it’s in poor taste, Don, put Marmite on it.
Thanks, Po. Always trying to raise the bar of litricher.

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poemagraphic

Mon 9th Mar 2020 11:22

Beats an apple a day any day...

Great poem

If I could bulk buy I would.
But
What's wrong with you fingers?

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Don Matthews

Mon 9th Mar 2020 10:28

I could rhyme the source of poor taste
I could rhyme the source, I could utter

But I won't.........

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John Coopey

Mon 9th Mar 2020 09:11

Many thanks, David; and Branwell for the Like.
A slip of the tongue, surely, Don? I’m always in the vanguard of poor taste.

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David

Mon 9th Mar 2020 07:34

Lovely

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Don Matthews

Mon 9th Mar 2020 04:51

Poor taste

LMS promotes good clean fun and guaranteed virus protection.....

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