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I’ve started wearing corduroy now I’m a certain age;

I’ve trousers both in red and brown but mostly I wear beige.

(The drawback, though, with wearing beige – it makes you look a dunce -

Is poor control at toilet times leaves piss stains down their fronts).


My pension doesn’t run to much, so mean I barely cope

But corduroy’s affordable in BHF and Scope.

Of course, I’d never wear them when I was in my prime

(My kids act like the fashion police; they call it fashion crime).


These days my body though is built for comfort not for speed

And muscle tone and sex appeal has lately gone to seed.

Because my waist is fatter than my hips now where they fit

Is higher up around my chest; well, underneath my tits.


I look so cosmopolitan (it’s worn by chavs and lords)

None younger than their 60’s though – You have to earn your cords.

So don’t be fooled by substitutes but get the real McCoy

Don’t look a twat in Levi jeans  -

            Make sure it’s corduroy.




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John Coopey

Thu 12th Mar 2020 14:19

Thanks, Jennifer and Ray.
Our Gert moans enough about having to wash my trolleys and kecks so often, Jennifer She wouldn’t be happy if I was chucking a gansey in the Hotpoint every day!
“Bought a pair for a Tena”. Stop it, Ray; I nearly wet myself.

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Thu 12th Mar 2020 12:41

I must confess John to wearing cords - tough and durable but not sexy of course. They do convey a certain artistic leaning if worn with sympathetic ensembles. I am aware of the leakage problem but I bought a pair for a tena.


jennifer Malden

Thu 12th Mar 2020 11:06

Nice One! Tip: carry a jumper round with you even if not needed - you can tie it round your waist, (if you can find it), with the jersey part in front!


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John Coopey

Thu 12th Mar 2020 08:47

Thanks, Po. And thanks for the Like, Itsjustme.

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Wed 11th Mar 2020 22:44

Top marks from me John.
I laughed so much I Pi What, why not?

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John Coopey

Wed 11th Mar 2020 22:03

You're quite right, Brian.
I could have used "wee" for "piss", "boobs" for "tits" and "nit" for "twat". But are they as effective?
And isn't that the point of word selection? It isn't gratuitous; it serves a purpose.

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Brian Maryon

Wed 11th Mar 2020 21:48

John...a few words in there to maybe take issue with, but who would dare?

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Brian Maryon

Wed 11th Mar 2020 21:47

Corduroy hats are all the rage John. What, not heard about them? Well they're making headlines.

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