I’ve started wearing corduroy now I’m a certain age;

I’ve trousers both in red and brown but mostly I wear beige.

(The drawback, though, with wearing beige – it makes you look a dunce -

Is poor control at toilet times leaves piss stains down their fronts).

My pension doesn’t run to much, so mean I barely cope

But corduroy’s affordable in BHF and Scope.

Of course, I’d never wear them when I was in my prime

(My kids act like the fashion police; they call it fashion crime).

These days my body though is built for comfort not for speed

And muscle tone and sex appeal has lately gone to seed.

Because my waist is fatter than my hips now where they fit

Is higher up around my chest; well, underneath my tits.

I look so cosmopolitan (it’s worn by chavs and lords)

None younger than their 60’s though – You have to earn your cords.

So don’t be fooled by substitutes but get the real McCoy

Don’t look a twat in Levi jeans  -

            Make sure it’s corduroy.