What ever it is, where ever we go

i hope its better than here. I hope it swallows up my sadness, spits out my badness

and allows me to just be in it. what ever it is. where ever we go. 

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Can't wait to be free from the shackles of university. 

The weight of the future is in your hands! It is up to you to save the world from global warming, freezing temperatures and from lightrays that can pierce through overpriced sunnies.

My head aches from the anxitey of university. 

The token of diversity, the physical persona of the 'I have a dream speech', and the face of fake progres...

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I stopped seeing my therapist

she moved on to start her own practice 

So I've started going out more 

eating less 

using useless utilities until I give out

my hands reaching for my purse

my fingers finding the chip

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I'm looking at all the warning signs. Staring them straight in the face and baring my claws.

Will I bite?

I scream, scratch, scare everyone away but wish for someone to stay.

I will not be absent from myself. My emotions, hobbies, wants, and needs must be safe, secured, unable to be touched by any partner, by any friendship or by anyone, Please.

Retiring the word gaslightng and leaning...

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have you ever felt this feeling of dread.

waking up and not knowing what the hell you're going to do that day.

I wake up, and scroll all day. my body rots in the same spot in my bed.

the cups beside my bed pile up. I open my shades.

look in the mirror. wash my face.

I feel like I have no purpose without constant deadlines and stress. 

my eyes fill with tears as I struggle to figu...

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im practically a vampire

i sleep all day, covering my windows, blasting my fan

and keep watch all night

my eyes waver from pillow to screen

my brain tries to figure out what it really wants.

i wonder from pinterest to instagram

from right to left

from pillow to pillow

and still can't decide if im hungry instead,

i tiptoe to the fridge

lights illuminate from grapes to ...

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my curtains struggle against the sun

as tomorrow becomes today

a moment of silence

before living

on an unknown day.

sometimes I toss n turn.

sometimes I sleep in.

sometimes I cry in frustration.

rarely do I decide to just,

get up.

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sounds of humming crickets overlay the morning dew

cold seeps through your jeans 

eyes of disregard survey 

you cover your chest

stained with black

you swallow and moan 

then leave in red

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