I'm looking at all the warning signs. Staring them straight in the face and baring my claws.

Will I bite?

I will scream, scratch, scare everyone away from me. Stay.

My stomach hurts when I see the person I'm dating start to morph into their true self. Self pitty comes through my nightmares. I can't sleep at night when I don't know what they think about me. Why.

I will not be absent for myself. My feelings, emotions, hobbies, wants, likes, needs, happiness I want it safe, secured, unable to be touched by any partner, by any friendship or by anyone, Please.

Retiring the word gaslightng and leaning more into accountability. Thinking about what I contribute, instead of pushing the responsibility onto others. But. 

I wish I can plan for twenty twenty three. The different ways my life could turn down, makes me want to puke. Next year I'll be done with school, in my whole life. The routine, the day to day will be gone. 

I will be sucked into the sucky adult life of non stop reality checks, situations labeled as life lessons or karama. 

Whatever.

I really just want to finish the things on my wishlist, find someone and adopt a cat or a dog. Thats it. 

Cheers.