A native American, Hawkeye the Noo

Emigrated to Scotland in '72

He loved deep fried Mars bars and the odd Irn Bru

But now he knows not what to do

The mountains and plains were a wonderful yardstick

As his ancestors populated desert to Arctic

But Hawkeye he settled for a wigwam in Partick

But now he knows not what to do

He's always been proud to call Scotland his h...

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Oh wondrous River Avon

Gurgling gently and so free

Dissecting Bradford-upon-Avon

On through Wiltshire to the sea

See the lanterns, hear the children

Watch their parents smile with glee

Once the festival has started

Please do not look for me

I'll be in the —anal Tavern

Hoping they've replaced the 'C'!

There is less than a week to go if you want to enter.

...

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Here's to all Performing Ranters

The whoopers', and the waving panters

Stuff academics licking asses

Scowling through rose-tinted glasses

Before I get my recompense

What is a 'Poet in Residence'?

A girl who writes

Lives in a tent

Is she a  'Poet With Intent'?

Let's have a workshop.

Make a bid

Then charge the punters all five quid

Liquid lunch and ...

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