It’s the weighted chest pain

That’s hardest to explain 

The interwoven, the lingering

It spins a web across everyday

It’s the fog you learn to see through

Because you can’t get away 

Never the needle in your eye

The thorn in your side

It’s the routine of soft pain 

The clingy sting for life 

It’s the dull ache

Freedom but on a leash

Your mothers kiss with teeth

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I don’t want to mask my poetry

I want you to understand me

Curse your perfect rhythms, rhymes, haikus

Your lyricism, your literary

When I try to adopt it, I turn mute.

Something channels through me

(I’ve never really found the root)

A demanding stream of consciousness

That cannot stop to breathe, let alone

Wait, conceptualise, draft, redraft

I can’t!

...

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It reaches further than "please fuck me" or "don’t touch me"

It’s a liminal in-between 

A line we like to call blurry

But I never asked you to undress me

My body abandoned me

My words went slurry

Tongue too thick to go beyond a mumble

Kind sir escorted me to save me from stumble

Four times play on my mind

One of them I even forgot

Until it accosted me during a usual d...

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Face like stone

Hard to read

I find myself taking pride

In my totem pole

Of expressions, I can hide

Masterfully deceptive

Every bit secretive

All heart without sleeves

Makes it easier to breathe

But being naked

Really stripping off

And just letting everyone watch

That is true strength

True power

Is knocking down this tower

Being bare

Just a sk...

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I tried beautiful,

I tried pristine,

I was no good at it

I’m not neat within

I’m not “clean”

Even externally, I cannot master

Clearing every bit of clutter

I’m raw, like an egg

It’s not pretty to have a cracked head

But if I don’t

I’m practically dead

As inanimate and detached as my wooden bed

To be raw is

Painful,

Ugly,

Messy,

But it’s rich with fee...

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I’m sorry to disappoint you

That I can be too sweet and so weak

And yet I can be cold and cruel too

That I can completely snap to my core

And morph into a creature of different sorts

I’m sorry that I’m not white or black

Or immaculate

Or of any matter 

For that fact

I’m not anything 

At all

Not wholly whole

You see,

Incompleteness 

Has been my superpower 

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Imagine being totally untethered

After feeling chain linked 

I feel split

That part removed 

That half is trying to renew

But it hurts 

To grow scab over wound 

Missing you is mourning you 

Leaving you is still losing you

And I’m just as lost

As I made you 

If it could be 

I would make it be 

Should I be chain linked again 

I would make it good 

Should ...

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I’ve peeled off my skin for you 

I’ve let you crunch my bones,

Consume beyond my flesh

Beyond my visceral tissues

Beyond my beating heart

Beyond the fibres of my being

Down to my soul

I’ve let you gobble up my spirit

I’ve let you slurp up my mind

Lick the lasting crumbs

of my emotions

Everything in me

Everything making me, me

All that constructs me

All...

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Real love is life threatening 

It’s not serene, sweet, dream love

It’s not romantic, rainbow love

No

True love is torture 

Gut wrenching pain

Hands and knees, love 

Need it to breathe, love 

It’s enough to put you away, love 

But never pull you away, love 

It’s masochistically addictive 

It titillates and irritates

Possesses every bit 

Until you have a fit

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