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Sheds

There’s something that a husband like me dreads

That they ought to warn a bloke of when he weds;

That’s the fear of Our Gert’s call

And her ominous footfall;

That’s why the Great Almighty gave us sheds.

 

Before my sheds I’d guarantee fine well

I’d get caught doing nowt and I’d cop hell;

I tried mirrors round the yard and

Tripwires in the garden

And even asked her if she’d wear a bell.

 

If you want to make your marriage work and thrive

Then you’ll need a bob-hole into which you dive,

Ideally one or two

With a panoramic view -

To keep her guessing I have just the five!

 

My latest shed it is my joy and pride

And it is by far the best in which to hide

Without windows in the walls

I can snot and scratch my balls

But best of all I bolt it from inside.

 

So when they wind you up to seeing red

(Who hasn’t ever planned their missus dead?)

If you feel that you could choke her

Or crack her with the poker

Just get to B & Q and buy a shed.

◄ Greavsie and Me

Manchester United 1 Chelsea 2 ►

Comments

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Isobel

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 22:57

This one made me laugh - I love Ann's finely balanced comment sticking up for the female population! Do you really have 5 sheds John? What on earth do you get up to in them? If you get chance you should check out Pete Crompton's profile. He posted a poem about his garden shed not long ago - telling us what I suspect you get up to... and I'm taking it that's a red hot poker, you are man handling there...

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 31st Mar 2010 08:36

Hi John. And where does your wife go to get away from you? I hope she has a shed too! ;-)

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Ray Miller

Tue 30th Mar 2010 21:13

Hello John, I enjoyed this a lot. We've all been there, as they say. Don't understand this line, though:
Before my sheds I'd guarantee fine well - some local phrasing?

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