Adam Rabinowitz

Parting

by Adam Rabinowitz

Tuesday 20th August 2019 3:16 pm

Do you want..

o.k.

What now?

If you disappear

How do I know you’re o.k.?

I'm never o.k. Even when I'm here

o.k.

There was a white snowflake

And another

On the black wool sleeve of your jacket

And they nestled there - thin black fibers like eyelashes

resting over the now liquid edges

Can I…

I don't think so.

What if …

Not right now.

If you’re sick

How can I take care of you?

I can take care of myself.

Oh….o.k.

I thought of a song

I always think of a song

I couldn’t remember the tune or the words

But there was a train and a window

And rain that was turning to snow

🌷 (5)

◄ Room for Regret

The Times...Are They a Changin? ►

Comments

Don Matthews

Wed 21st Aug 2019 08:41

A piem what rhomes? That's an interesting one
Why ever haven't I thought of this yet?
Italicised critic's saying Don go create
Go piem, go rhome, and go get

I'm a simple downunderer Adam. Just leaning the ropes....?

I know 'i's and 'o's can easily be mixed when you type fast. You're firgoven....

Adam Rabinowitz

Wed 21st Aug 2019 05:16

I want to write a piem that rhomes
Uses tones of homophones
Causes laughs with homographs

But I find that most the time
I just end up with a poem that rhymes.

Don, I will try to edit more carefully.

Don Matthews

Wed 21st Aug 2019 04:38

Hey, Adam's invented a new word
Poem renamed 'piem'
It's not a new word, just a typo (ital- which the techs can't manage)
'i/o' adjacent, see 'em

Huh?......

Adam Rabinowitz

Wed 21st Aug 2019 04:28

Thank you all for your comments. I really like this piem and I am glad you do as well.

Don Matthews

Tue 20th Aug 2019 23:54

Yes Adam, Don's hint worked perpectly....

Hey? Who are you?.....

The one you italicised....

But you ain't.....

You'vo got a typo...

Wot?.....

So've you......

What?......

Why can't you two be serious for once. You're embarrassing me......?

(Adam in a tripoeticdialogue I would suggest bold for the third. Maybe the more dominant character?. For multiples it gets more exciting cos you then get to choose various fonts, colours, sizes from your poet's palette. You could create a new genre. A poetic 'theatre of the absurd' type maybe? Food for thought.....

Jason Bayliss

Tue 20th Aug 2019 23:01

I think that, "the rain turning to snow," is a beautiful metaphor for a chilling of tears, a heart growing cold enough to freeze those tears. Love it.

J. x

Lisa C Bassignani

Tue 20th Aug 2019 22:22

Very nice Adam. You have the captured the moment here and I feel as if I have actually lived it.

Devon Brock

Tue 20th Aug 2019 21:52

Adam, the quintains in this piece are fantastic. In the first, I can read the discomfort of the situation, the avoidance of eye contact and focusing on a minute detail like staring at a button. In the second, the mind drifting away, another subconscious avoidance technique.

Very well done.

D

Adam Rabinowitz

Tue 20th Aug 2019 15:17

Thanks, Don. I added the italics and believe it does the trick.

Don Matthews

Tue 20th Aug 2019 08:39

ITALICISE ONE

Who you talkin' to?...

You there in italics....

But I ain't.....

WOLer techs won't let me ital you in this box.....

Issue a complaint.....

Tell'm I want to be italicised ?

Adam Rabinowitz

Tue 20th Aug 2019 04:56

Have trouble knowing exactly how to separate speakers in diapoetrylogue.

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