Fancy, free, doing whatever I please and not giving a f$ck about the consequence of my actions. I ran into trouble and I think I liked it. Chocolate fire. Wild and crazy, full of fun a laughter. We laughed and grew over the years. He gave me a glimpse of what a boyfriend could be. I left for school and he bounced in and out of lock down. Not quite what I wanted, but at that point I didn’t even know what he should be. Kind, considerate, and trying, but moving too fast. Was it the speed of the tide or the affection he would provide that kept me by his side? Hugs, kisses, and lots of should have beens and wishes. He fell in and out of my mind, but never my heart. I walked away so many times I lost count. He pursued with a foolish passion that kept me running circles in my mind and hiding in the shadows of fear. He was impulsive, and aggressive like a wild fire. Wondering would he, could he get it together or forever be the loose end that should have been the knot at the end of my rope holding my heart by a thread.

Off to the next chapter and here comes fear. He was more than I could stand, but not what I was ready to pursue. I didn’t know he loved me like that. Moving on down different paths of life he went left and I went right. Does he still?

Back home with intentions of being the best Clair Huxtable I could be, I ran into truth with a capital T. Too much cream in the coffee and not so bittersweet like the chocolate of my youth.  I refused to believe I wanted what he was offering. He sent me running to the dark side. He had little footsteps that walked all over my heart and made me see what I said would not be. You have got to be kidding me. No, he wasn’t. I fell in love with the little footsteps that left a trail of tears and led to the best of me. I gave up on getting those little feet running back in my life and found the future me. I never loved who he was just the truth that he made me see.

Over the hill and through the woods. Years pass and here comes his ass. He was the father of my joy and a trip back to the dark side. He sold me the dream and shattered it with reality. I almost kind of believed once upon a time he could be the one. Not so true and boy I'm waiting on the real you. He was fun at first but never quite hit the mark. I tried it for a while because that’s what you do, but figured out there would never be an I do. I wish him the best and hope time heals because lost love hurts in the darkness of night. I never gave up so much for a soft touch, a warm hug, and a big dream. He tested my patience and my gangsta. Patience won and I calmed into the heat of the night. Time absorbs the wounds and I gave up on the fight. Letting go and moving on never scared me so much. I'm out here; ready to write over my wrongs and color the world with sunshine. Warm and kind against my face, happiness so pure it’s a new flavor to taste. It wasn’t all bad and the she that is me is purely formed from the ashes and memories.