Sunrise Over England

entry picture
 Under the expansive sky, night blind as yet,
But soon to blossom;
A ribbon of molten light begins to boil
And light up cloud
It spreads it's fingers wide
And Peek-a-boos
At bolts of trees that took a run up to a field and stopped to rest
Where bodiced and be-ribboned
Couples courted
Ruddy faced
Sipped cider
Kissed with freckles
 
The motorway slides by
with a hiss.

◄ Where the Wind Sweeps Down To The Sea

Stockings ►

Comments

Profile image

Jeff Dawson

Sat 23rd Jan 2010 22:36

Lovely poem Rachel, really enjoyed it. I had the sunrise in my latest poem but in a bit of a different context! Best wishes Jeff

Profile image

winston plowes

Sat 19th Dec 2009 00:29

Had that day dream drift to it this one Rachel..Liked a lot. Win

Pete Crompton

Thu 17th Dec 2009 17:57

enjoyed.
hey is this the bridge over t'ribble lass? On way to Penwortham? I recognise..............................

Profile image

Graham Sherwood

Tue 15th Dec 2009 22:59

Rachel, you're becoming the queen of the last liners. Don't change a thing.

Profile image

Rachel McGladdery

Tue 15th Dec 2009 20:33

Ann, it's tempting. I'm doing a reading next week and I'm now wondering if I ought to get up with a dummy and a glass of water.....hmm,on second thoughts perhaps not! ;)
Rachel
x

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Tue 15th Dec 2009 20:18

Do you normally get ventriloquists to read your poems? How novel! ;-)

Profile image

Rachel McGladdery

Tue 15th Dec 2009 13:35

Thank you Cynthia....it's a bugger for ventriloquists to read though! :) Thanks for taking the time to read and comment,
Cheers
Rachel
x

Profile image

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 15th Dec 2009 12:34

Rachel, this is very engaging. 'blind - blossom - ribbon - boil' etc. has lovely internal music. The personification of the 'bolting trees' is novel. From fancy to reality is well captured by the 'hissing motorway'.

Now I shall read the other comments.

Profile image

Rachel McGladdery

Tue 15th Dec 2009 10:10

It was strange actually, we were driving down to a festival and had set off from The North at about 3 a.m., the sun rose just south of Birmingham, the trees really did look like they were taking a breather before setting off again uphill.
Thanks for reading and commenting
Rachel
x

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Tue 15th Dec 2009 09:07

Hi again, a really nice poem and those bolts of trees stopping to have a rest - great and unusual image, really like it.

Profile image

Rachel McGladdery

Tue 15th Dec 2009 08:22

Thanks for the suggestion Andy, also thanks for reading it! I spent aaaaages sorting and re-sorting the order of the 4 shorter lines to find out which sounded right. Do you know, I have just re-read it without the motorway bit (which seemed important at time of writing because I saw the view from the car and committed it to memory) but you're right, it sounds lots better.
Thanks for that
Rachel

Profile image

Andy N

Tue 15th Dec 2009 08:15

enjoyed this rachel in particular the poem seems to get shorter and shorter lines by the end... have you considered removing the last line 'the motorway slides by...' as i think 'kissed with freckles' could be a lovely ending? x

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message