Full Circle 

It’s here again. Bring the tissues. Hide away the blades. Its coming

full force

Into our home, our hearts, our souls, here. It’s in                                                                          

My mothers eyes as she stares blankly, unblinking, it’s in

nanna’s shaky voice, breaking. ‘what were you thinking?’

Its carried in by broken promises, screams that echo

Through slammed doors,

Through thin walls,

Through quiet towns, by the breeze of an open window. 

Let it out.

Oh no. Its hands are on your neck, you cry instead.

It’s a stranger, a familiar, a memory, its’ always there

Somewhere. 

Everywhere.

It’s in the foundations of family planning, of hoping, of dreaming. 

Of lit up eyes, awes and wonders, of half-smiles and

‘Aren’t they precious?’

Broken, smashed, gone. What have you done.

Its in her smile on school photo day, hey

You look funny, what’s that on your face?

I look worse

Trust me.

Or don’t.

It pushes you violently, before anyone’s there to catch you as

It’s a bully.

A name.

That punch 

Its everything and nothing. 

It screaming and whispering

Give up. But

 

It’s also present in the shake of a hand in a steam-pressed suit,

A name badge introducing this week’s hero.

It’s in the click of a pen behind hospital doors, a shaky signature,

A flicker in the eyes of the gold medallists, the champions, the

Children. It’s in that child’s first cry as they enter the world

Afraid.

Fear.

Its here, as its always been and always will and

it won’t control you.

Not anymore. It’s coming full force, bring your tissues and soak up the pain.

Hide the blades as you don’t need them, your will is sharper than any sword.

Like all natural things, fear is born and fear dies, it can be slain,

cyclically, it goes on round again, back again, rolls on through your life

a circle, it can spin you 360 degrees and no more, it has an end a beginning

inexplicably intertwined. Yet, just stop it, stop. Right there. Don’t. 

 

Before you twist it into an eternity.

 

- Niamh k.