The half-term is now over and the kids all back in school

The ashes on the bonfire seem so sad when wet and cool

No sooner have the trick-or-treaters buggered off than then

It’s lousy rotten Christmas time again.

 

The tinsel in shop windows and huge santas look so crass

For Heaven’s sake, you’d think they’d wait and let November pass!

It’s time to hand your hard-earned cash to Asda’s keeping when

It’s lousy rotten Christmas time again.

 

You’ll get presents that’s unwanted such as books you’ll never read

And smelly stuff from aunties that’s all trash you didn’t need

You’ll thank them most politely like you did when you were ten

It’s lousy rotten Christmas time again.

 

Of course, you’ll need to buy a turkey – 30lb should do

It might not fit the oven but Hey! There’s five of you.

There’ll be cooking for the women and washing up for men

It’s lousy rotten Christmas time again.

 

But when the turkey sandwiches lie heavy in your bed

And strange liqueurs you never wanted spin around your head

Then mercifully it’s over – Praise the Lord. Amen.

You might just get through Christmas once again.