a low sun teased me out

from a pool of shadow

searching for signs of new life

even as the soil plotted against it


overhead a plane like a silver pen

wrote a lazy trail

scattering high hopes


dead leaves in disorderly fashion

a classroom of empty heads

awaited my rough comb

and a crisp goodbye. 




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Tue 5th Dec 2017 22:58

HI Jon. So pleased you appreciate this one, as it is all about mood really. I think you got close to the intention with your comment. It always chokes me to read goodbye in a poem so perhaps I used it as a sort of indulgence !
Hope you're well .


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Tue 5th Dec 2017 22:40

Hi Ray
Beautiful wording. Love the way you personalise the intent of the soil especially and the plane as a silver pen is an amazing image.
Maybe the crisp goodbye is a way of masking feelings? Or maybe not.
Anyway, a lovely poem mate.

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Fri 1st Dec 2017 20:50

Thanks Beno. Actually i'm not teacher but imagined the role of one only! I don't know why, it just seemed come to mind. I spent a lot of time in the autumn clearing and preparing the garden luckily and was nipping heads off daisies when the poem came to mind. The low sun makes it hard to see . There is sadness in the season which I hope I conveyed. I see you as a rather naturally sympathetic guy, it favours you well for writing.
So pleased you consider me helpful - I was starved of praise for many years and had to fight that corner, so here I am to redress the balance! The photo I dug out from one I took myself in 1964 - I 'll leave you to do the maths re age!
All the very best with inspiration - I know you'll find plenty.

Thank you guys for liking this one
David Kevin and David.


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Fri 1st Dec 2017 07:29

Ray, I liked this very much. I hope I've made the right connections with it and understood it correctly.
Are you a retired teacher?
There is sadness in the poem. I think you will miss tending your garden this winter like you miss tending your class room? Or am I reading too much here. I don't think this is going to be a very long winter Ray. Spring is just around the corner.
Your guidance and support on this website is very much appreciated.
You don't sound like your photo?

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