Eh well we were driving along, driving along, driving along near Wigan

I was eating a pie, eating a pie and I had to make a decision

We were lost you see, lost you see, we were lost you see near Wigan.

The Pier was where we needed to be, to be, or not to be.

So I stopped a bloke, stopped a bloke, but nearly choked on me pie.  As he poked me in, as he poked me in, as he poked me in the eye and said:

Follow t' road an take a left, gi strait 'n turn t' reet , an when ye see t' zebra, turn reet at Roberts right?

So I turned t' left and turned t' right but couldn't see no Roberts in sight.

So we carried on and carried on, and carried on driving along....

But t' Roberts were t' traffic lights you see, (they call 'em Robots in this part of 't land), but 'av no fear we eventually got t' Pier.

Ah it were grand!