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JOHN COOPEY (R.I.P)

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As worldwide fans will know, I am partial to my history.  I’m currently working my way through the “Horrible Histories” compendium by Terry Deary – kid’s stuff but absolutely brilliant.

Edging ever closer as I am towards my box and away from my cot, I have given some thought as to the manner of my departure.  I am concentrating on three aspects – my cremation, my ashes and my wake, and you will see where the love of history comes into play in a couple of these.

The Cremation

Nothing too fancy, you understand, but something along the lines of Kirk Douglas’s in “The Vikings”.  Laid out on a pyre, in a longship, pushed out to drift towards Goole down the River Aire, as archers loose fire arrows into me and a fellow warrior blasts a couple of notes on a cowhorn.  (As an aside, if I can get Our Gert interested in Hinduism and its fine but lamented practice of Suttee, I’d be delighted to have her with me).

The Ashes

I recently read on the internet of a bloke who had invented and commercialised a process of pressing loved ones’ ashes into vinyl records.  Well, that’s for me! And I want the tracks to include:

               Queen                                 Another One Bites the Dust

               Dead or Alive                     You Spin Me Right Round

               Johnny Cash                       Ring of Fire

               Englebert Humperdink     Please Release Me

                                                            Ghostbusters

               Queen                                 Under Pressure

               The Mindbenders              Groovy Kind of Love

               David Bowie                      Ashes to Ashes

               Beach Boys                        I Get Around

(WOL readers – please feel free to add your own suggestions)

 

The Wake

A Trimalchion feast, the centrepiece of which would be a spit-roasted pig from Brayton Farm Shop.  When its belly was slit open out would fly 96 song thrushes (my age, you see).   We’d need to book the Village Hall with the Meeting Room doubling up for this occasion as vomitorium.  (I know, I know).  Chestnut fattened dormice would be the starter with snails in honeyed milk for dessert.

They’ll not forget me in a hurry.

◄ PEE ON ME

FERNANDO ►

Comments

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claire crossdale

Mon 1st May 2017 21:54

Ey up John Just spotted this thread and content. Mmmm. Have you run the thrush-stuffed pig by Brayton Farm Shop and which village hall did you have in mind. Presumably NOT Brayton since it would struggle to accommodate the birds let alone the revellers! Please could you work up some words for a poem that references Goole for Boothferry Verses Competition? Before end of May, 40 lines max, free entry, judged by Paul Lyalls and some nice prizes. (Nay sayer is doubting that there will be many entries!!).

BTW no-like ashes but always up for a plate of hash.

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John Coopey

Sun 19th Feb 2017 23:37

I'm not one to blow my own trumpet, Harry, as my worldwide fans will agree, but her life will be an empty cup without me.

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Harry O'Neill

Sun 19th Feb 2017 19:57

John,
Gert...Suttee?...what do you think she`s been saving that mysterious packet of tapers for?

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Graham Sherwood

Sun 19th Feb 2017 12:27

Ah! yes the beauteous fragility of the middle order collapse.

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John Coopey

Sun 19th Feb 2017 12:16

Graham - how I envy those people for whom weekends are a time of stress-free relaxation instead of tribal hypertension. Roll on the cricket season!

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Graham Sherwood

Sun 19th Feb 2017 11:51

And song thrushes are a bit gamey for my palate!

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Graham Sherwood

Sun 19th Feb 2017 11:49

JC you won't be saying that when we vanquish the mighty Fulham 4-3 after a replay and extra time!

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John Coopey

Sun 19th Feb 2017 09:34

MC - No chance. Those bastards have blighted my life; they're not blighting my death.
Colin - That's one for your record.

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M.C. Newberry

Sat 18th Feb 2017 18:31

I'm surprised you haven't found room for a football, signed
by the Spurs team - stuffed with fireworks to explode in
a glorious heavenly "send (him) off" as the flames call time!

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John Coopey

Fri 17th Feb 2017 23:55

Ah, I see I hadn't thought that one through, Graham. Perhaps I should have the vinyl record put on the longboat. That would work.

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Graham Sherwood

Fri 17th Feb 2017 23:30

John sorry to sound picky but after your fiery cruise down the Aire I don't think there'd be much in the way of ashes left for a vinyl.

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