(With huge apologies to Prokofiev or, indeed, anyone with ears who listens to this!)

Romeo, oh, Romeo, embrace across our lands

Juliet, oh, Juliet, let’s hold together hands.

Juliet, oh, Juliet, you’re leaving the EU

You’re running out of lovers so I’ve made my move on you.

Romeo, oh Romeo, you’re now my only friend

I’ll prostitute my honour if your dollars you will lend

Juliet, I’ve counted twice and so I calculate

The UK’s now the 51^st of our United States

Romeo, oh Romeo, what pleasure that will be

Just get rid of Melania so there’s only you and me.

Juliet, I’m sorry; there’ll be three of us in bed

Me and you and Vladimir; we’re there to give him head.