In The Light of The Evening

I work hard most days
hands all rough by six
but it’s worth every callous
whatever’s needed
and when I’m done, I walk
right down the sea-front promenade
sip on a cup of something
so warm and so sweet
with those boats sailing out and in
in the lazy light of the evening

There forms a shape in the foam on my drink
Kiya, I see the outline of your head
looking back at me
I wonder just how easily
all my hard work here could be dismantled
with just a few whispered words
wagged by your smiling tongue
just the softest touch of fingers
along the youth of your skin
in the drunk light of the evening

There is infinite potential
for an infinite damage
in the arch of your eyebrow
in your heart-shaped pout
to capsize in the depths of those eyes...
would undo everything
so utterly
as you tuck your hair behind an ear
in the sticky light of the evening

Those ships keep snaking in and loping out
I tip the cup back, stand to leave
Kiya, I work so hard to keep from writing letters
telling how I long to have you
but I do what it’s right to do
I do what is right for you
button up my coat
walk slow, winding across the sand
in the mournful light of the evening
the light that you loved
in the sorrowful light of the evening
the light that you loved…

 

(May, 2016)

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Frances Macaulay Forde

Sun 26th Mar 2017 06:14

Going down the list of blogs, I read the first few lines and dismissed this - skipped on.
Then I went back and read it again. Read some others, then came back to this.
It certainly deserves a good read, there is so much to like here although I think it is one small edit away from finished.
Mind you, a good poem never finishes, it lives on in heads - lines which can't be forgotten.
The first three lyrical stanza are strong but although I understand the last stanza, the implied threat derails me. The complete turn-around in character from a goodie to a baddy is clever and explains his distance, but somehow the poem needs one more edit.
Not sure it's anything to do with lines Colin tripped on... can't put my finger on it.
However, I did enjoy the poem and will add it to my favourites.

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Harry O'Neill

Thu 2nd Feb 2017 22:38

Tom,
This - to me - has something of the `feel` of Alice Meynell`s `Renunciation`...but in a more male and less
self- referencing (more dual including) way.

The repetitive, `the light that you loved` at the end is very
effective.

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