On getting up one morning 
God walked to the pearly gate
 and enquired of Michael his doorman
 how's it going mate?
I'm absolutely knackered, and wish you'd investigate.

Never known it be this busy before
 them coming up here to Heaven
swept off me feet trying to greet,
 everyone twenty four seven.
The flow is overwhelming, we need cupboards and extra shelving.
But I have a suggestion could quicken commuting
 a couple of lap tops would speed up computing. 
We cannot update, answered God loud but gentle
we must stay as we are, and that's fundemental.
I could stop a few wars to help your cause
and while I'm at it, went on
I'll extend human life, to over a ton
ban dangerous pastimes done for fun 
while postponing the annual drought
lingering deaths will increase to six weeks
and sudden ones quickly phased out.

There'll be a deep cut in their pensions I fear
but the good news is, they won't come up here
I know it will work, you can take it from me
leaving plenty of breaks, for a cup of  tea.

But the downside effects of my wisdom and power
will result as matters of fact
in that everyone here at reception will go,
on a zero hours contract

Mike, red faced with anger faced up to God
I've rumbled you, your a tight arsed sod
the so called all loving, Supreme Divinity
you've enjoyed the good life for all of infinity
with that other bent pair in the holy trinity.

Of my many ideas thousands at most
sent to you at head office by first class post.
 Epistled replies, signed "Almighty host"
 After long consideration we're unanimous at the close 
that improvements applied for impractical.
 Quote from spokesman, Holy Ghost.

If you wish to dispute the figures, said God,
 in irritated tone
come up to my office immediately
 and get Holy Ghost on the phone.

List your complaints to his Personal Aide
who will automatically say.
"As you know the boss is invisible.
and no one can see him today".


nothing enigmatic about this

◄ THEY DID IT ALWAYS (re-issue)



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Harry O'Neill

Sun 25th Sep 2016 17:09

Stop worryin`about Celestial `throughput`!

Old age is a doddle down here now (see my comment on Steve Mellor`s `That time of life`)

At the earthly input `end` the enormous advances in the
contraceptive and abortive movement should take care of any worries from there.

I reckon that - after a few hundred years of uninterrupted
longevity - we will all arrive at the Decrepitudinal Heaven of the Grand Climateric and, in a magnificent gesture of universal suicide, all disappear up our own craggy arses in
constipationally vaselined peace.

But remember our agreement...stay on your own muck heap! ?

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Sat 24th Sep 2016 19:59

I like the conversational tone which gives a wryness to the poem, and can go anywhere once in motion. It reminds me of the monologues of Stanley Holloway, touch in cheek. Clever last lines, kicks the whole thing into touch !


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M.C. Newberry

Sat 24th Sep 2016 17:42

The strength of any religion is in its ability to produce
imagined scenarios of this entertaining sort. Christianity
has long had that ability: now it only needs others to
catch up in a world that asks more and demands more
of "belief".

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