a curse - for the mildly irritating

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a curse - for the mildly irritating


For those who’ve meddled, ired or slighted,

For those who’ve peeved or pinched or blighted

Or fibbed or fooled or faked - or worse

Upon them ever be this curse:


May your earnest endeavours all end in farce.

May your nostrils migrate to just south of your a**e.

May all your teabags get stuck in the spout.

May your luck and your toilet roll always run out.

May every airline lose track of your cases.

May you find yourself naked in all public places.

May all the elastic fail in your pants.

May everyone laugh when you get up to dance.

May you f**t when you cough and s**t when you sneeze.

May your socks always stink like the ripest of cheese.

May your genitals shrink and your buttocks expand.

May all of your mail be a final demand.

May your dentures drop out and fall in the loo.

May the bores and the nutters choose seats next to you.

May your toast always land on the side with the butter.

May you go to the bingo and develop a stutter.

May you win on the lottery - then lose your ticket.

May you buy a new car and then have someone nick it.

May the rumours about you always be true.

May the dogs**t you smell always be on your shoe.

May you have no use for a brush or a comb.

May every evangelist call at your home.

May all your appliances break down or leak.

May your sewers block up at least once a week.

May you lose sleep while your spouse lies there snoring.

May you find out both your friends think you’re boring.

May the train that you catch never stop at your station.

May you loudly break wind in each wrong situation.

May you henceforth be known as an ugly old b****r,

Until you have learned

that I NEVER take sugar!


◄ undercurrents

"John" ►


<Deleted User> (5763)

Tue 28th Jul 2009 19:08

Nice one Anthony, something in there for all types ...hell is other people?

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winston plowes

Mon 27th Jul 2009 23:12

Hi Anthony, Loved this. some great ideas. nice end. Win

Steve Smith

Mon 27th Jul 2009 19:23

Well turned Anthony. Reminds me of home!
Steve Smith

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Anthony Emmerson

Mon 27th Jul 2009 17:17

Hi Isobel,
Maybe you should write a curse for use on "multiple-posters"? Now there's a thought. Alternatively feel free to make use of this one if you so wish.
Regards (and witch-like cackles),

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Mon 27th Jul 2009 16:09

No - it was just a cunning ploy so he could get to the top of the blogs again - don't blink Anthony or you'll be submerged by ten tonnes, all from the same poet...

<Deleted User> (5646)

Mon 27th Jul 2009 13:58

ps. is that a deliberate typo just for me?

south of ''your'' a**e.

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Dave Bradley

Thu 23rd Jul 2009 21:18

Had to log in to agree with everyone else. Very very good.

The power (and civilising influence?) of curses shouldn't be underestimated. I was in another country which had better be nameless and remarked to a local on the respect with which the elderly were held. He agreed but then sadly commented that it had a lot to do with the younger generation wanted to avoid being cursed by the older.
Just think of the good you could do if people believed in your curses!

<Deleted User> (5646)

Thu 23rd Jul 2009 15:48


Not a race in sight, and enough to make me actually log-in. Well done Anthony!

ps. hope it doesn't come back to you though.


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Tommy Carroll

Thu 23rd Jul 2009 15:00

haha! very good. There is one curse NOT contained in your poem that my family (males) used:
May your balls turn square
and rot at the corners!

well cursed!

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Thu 23rd Jul 2009 14:31

Oooh Anthony - didn't know you had it in you to be so naughty. Hope I'm not on your list of wrong doers. This has the hint of a Celtic blessing gone delightfully wrong. May the roads rise up to applaud you....
Isobel x

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Cate Greenlees

Thu 23rd Jul 2009 12:45

Yep... me too!!!! Sooooooo funny it had me laughing out loud!! Guess you just about cursed the whole of the human race here Anthony!! I just love clever wit.
Cate xx

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 23rd Jul 2009 11:29

You bet your booties! Francine.

Anthony, this is hilarious. Love it - love it - LOVE IT. And it REEKS of REAL - no fantasizing here. Great piece. Give us more.

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Thu 23rd Jul 2009 11:14

Wow Anthony... didn't know you had this in you ; )
Some very funny lines here...
I always like to believe that what goes around, comes around...

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