“Get up to Tesco” Our Gert said one day

“I need some detergent; my knickers are grey”.

With incentive like that I chose not to delay

Not least as she bravely inspects

The skid-marks inside of my kecks.

 

I consider myself today's modern man

(I share household duties where-ever I can)

But my grocery lists have usually ran

To brioche, and feta, fish chowder;

It's years since I've purchased soap powder.

 

I always have known it's a bit of a scam

There's just Unilever and Proctor and Gam (ble)

But I remember the labels (I'd shopped wi' my mam)

So I searched all the shelves far and wide

But buggered if I could find “Tide”.

 

Mi chance of swift purchase was rapidly wrecked

Familiar brands I just could not detect

Maybe politically it's not correct

Despite the superstore promo

There wasn't a sign of that "OMO".

 

I asked for assistance from one of the staff

To help me sort through the wheat from the chaff

I think that she thought I was having a laugh

Her badge read “Quality Control”

But she not heard of that "Oxydol".

 

I spent that long looking I dribbled with waz

Then I spied an old favourite – a packet of "Daz"

It was better than mam's, the new product has

Made technological gains -

It needs to! - to shift these new stains!