(In the style of that great wordsmith, Benny Hill)

Now all you blokes that’s courting I know you’ll appreciate

You’re never sure quite what to do the first time on a date.

I asked mine what she fancied; we settled on the zoo

She’d never seen a parrot but she’d seen a cockatoo.

She fed the goats and camels; the fence was set quite low

So she bent over and I caught a glimpse of camel toe.

We didn’t do the Big Cats’ pen; she said, “I’m not that fussy;

They’re all a bit too fierce for me; I like my little pussy”.

She loved the Shetland ponies though one gave me quite a kick;

My middle name was “Richard” so she quipped, “You’re Donkey Dick”

The monkeys clambered over her, but well behaved when fed;

But mine was not and so she spanked my monkey on the head.

The wolf cubs were so playful; the litter looked so grand

So she invited me to hold those puppies in my hand.

The reptiles were quite sluggish; she thought they might be fake;

So I impressed her later with my one-eyed trouser snake.

In time we tied the marriage knot as many couples do

We still look back with fondness on our first date at the zoo.