Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

Caring through Silence

I cannot feel your pain.

Your body is numb,

Your mind in hibernation.


For now, let yourself rest

In June’s heat and chatter.

It will take time to be

that knight again

that I cherish so.


But I am there.


Within the silence

I am there.


 ©  Katypoetess 2015

lovelove poetryKatypoetess

◄ Residual Haunting

Epitaph ►


Profile image

Nigel Astell

Thu 20th Aug 2015 15:21

Within this silence is love
that screams in helpless pain
of what might have been
only heard in your poetry.

Profile image

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Wed 19th Aug 2015 15:54

This is so good. The sensitivity is gripping - the scope of togetherness, love and immediate surroundings.

I'm going to be irritating enough to make a suggestion:

'I cannot feel your pain.

Your body is numb
Your mind in hibernation.

For now, let yourself rest
In June's heat and chatter.


IMO, the first line then is a distinct reality from the state of suspended pain of the other,very ill character. It doesn't raise the question of - why would you 'feel the pain, if he/she is sedated to oblivion? It opens the possibilities as to what you might mean, which is the 'meat' of great poetry, however brief.

And then, you also have an inherent balance of stanza lines, as well, the one-line opener with the one-line dramatic high point: 'But I am there.'

Katy, don't be annoyed. For me, it's a bit like having a good gob-bash over a glass of wine, talking together about our work. Just tell me to get lost and I will.

Profile image

Martin Elder

Mon 17th Aug 2015 20:00

Nice one Katy. I love the lines' your body is numb, your mind in hibernation'

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message