Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

Exes

the night outside
grows colder
he is sitting
listening to the shadows
move from room
to room

there are edges
along the corners
of the narrowing room
where the yellow
light of the lamp
does not touch

he is tracing
his memory
along the curve
of her wrist

outside
the snow falls
in separate time

memorylightyellowoutsidesnowShadows

◄ For An Afternoon

By the Duck Pond ►

Comments

Profile image

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 16th Jan 2015 12:30

Succinct and strong.

Would you consider the short, sharp 'he sits', cutting out one 'ing' ending after another, and so leaving space for 'he is tracing' which implies 'continued time' in a very poignant way? Just a thought because I really like the poem. It doesn't imply 'better'.

Profile image

Jackie Phillips

Wed 14th Jan 2015 09:07

'the snow outside' is particularly apt as I read this and I particularly liked the lines:

he is sitting
listening to the shadows
move from room
to room

A sad but enjoyable poem.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message