I can be horrible and tell you
tons of dis-tasteful things
if I am a cruel or vicious mood.

I can tell you tons of wicked stories
of what I used to get up just 
to make you blush dark blue
as the night sky. 

I can tell you some of my legendary
sexual cock up's 
which i have still have some
of the bruises.

I could tell you about my superglue
and ambulance van story
or the time i fell out of the tree
and fractured my shoulder. 

I could tell you about the strap on
and the Buddhist temple
and when i laughed so much
i got us thrown out.

I could tell you about my old 
dodgy diceman sex parties
in particular when the riot squad
got called and i hid under a car
for three hours.

But it's immaterial - you'll be
dirter than me every time.