(For Paul and Shirley Torkington of the George and Dragon, West Haddlesey)

 

I’m wantin to go out wiva girlie

Er name is Shirley

Er air is nice an soft to touch

An also short an curly.

 

But Shirl’s already got a bloke

The bastard’s name is Pauly

E does the quiz on Tuesday nights

But does it very slowly.

 

Here we go 2 3 4

 

Shirley don’t you want me

I know I’m old n porky

But I’m ten times better lookin than im

Iva bigga nob than Torky.

 

Cos Torky is a moron

Torky is a moron

I know e’s a moron

Torky is a moron.

 

Here we go 2 3 4

 

I’m opin I might get snook in

Becos she’s so nice lookin

I want to start some nooky

I also like her cookin.

 

Surely Shirley, surely

You’ll be my bakin baby

I want to see your dumplins

I want to taste your gravy.

 

But Torky got there first, dint e?

She coulda done betta though cun’t she

Like me,  Not like im

E’s a twat He’s very dim

An ‘m so fat An not so slim

It’s not fair It’s ard to bear

But I don’t care I don’t care