(Too many references to explain.  A toast I did on a friend's 50th)

 

It’s time for me and you to do our stuff

And listen to my poem you’ll think is duff

So check your tie and check your flies

And wipe the tears from your eyes

This must come as a big surprise

You’ve hinted long enough!

 

He is the baby of the Williams brothers

But didn’t get the brains of all the others

But one way in their shoes he trod

He got their looks did Glen, poor sod

Just like four peas in one pea-pod

The spit of one another.

 

He’s been your Council Chairman for a while

He’s Top Cat, he’s the boss, top of the pile

But when he hung his washing load

On a clothes line cross the road

He had to do as he was told

“Take it down” says Giles.

 

“I brought the police in cos I had a yen

To catch them speeding drivers here” says Glen

“And soon we’ll watch them windmills spin,

I’ve also brought the gypsies in;

With form like this I’m bound to win

Election yet again”.

 

When speeding through these villages was rife
Said Glen, "I hope them bobbies give 'em life"
But when the police came on Glen's patch
He never thought that they would snatch
A pic or two of their first catch -
	The Council Chairman's wife!

 

You’ve grinned and bore more pain than man could take

That fateful day on which your leg would break

He had a nose scab like a spud

And pain of surgery withstood

But scared to death to give his blood;

You ever had tooth-ache?

 

On Tuesdays it’s the quiz for chips and chat

Without Glen’s help I’m sure we’d all fall flat

An answer might be “False” or “True”

Glen says the first; the second too;

We go for “False”; the answer’s “True”

Then Glen says, “I said that!”

 

And catering will always come to grief

The list of things he’ll eat is plain and brief

He’ll not touch fish like prawns or trout

And lamb and chicken are both out

And curry’s “No” without a doubt

Says Glen, “I just eat beef”.

 

“I’m gunna build a pond” I’ve heard him tell

“I’m gunna buy koi carp, the best they’ll sell”

“I’m gunna get my stones re-laid”

“I’ll dig and sweat with pick and spade”

“I’ll not rest till that pond is made”

But has he?  Bloody hell!

 

So charge up all your glasses yet again

(We’ve saved on one now Lucy’s dumped young Ben)

I’m sure you’ve read your birthday post

But mine from Poundland cost the most

So raise your glasses in a toast

To “Happy Birthday, Glen”.