(I wrote this for The Animals but they never used it)

There is a house on Barlby Road

Not fit to house a tramp;

It’s been the ruin of Our Gert and me –

The cause was rising damp.

The vendors did a bodge job

It looked so neat, so clean

The kitchen walls especially

In Dulux Fresh Stem Green.

Behind the layers of satin lurked

A secret kept well hid

They’d covered up the rising damp

For less than seventeen quid.

The survey found the damp, of course,

Behind new paint unseen

But blamed his excess reading on

A leaky washing machine.

So hot-foot to the Agents

We went with cash-in-hand

And parted with our hard earned brass -

Nigh on a hundred grand.

My mother was a tailor;

These old blue jeans she sewed

I got stitched up much better though

Down on Barlby Road.

There is a house on Barlby Road

Not fit to house a tramp;

It’s been the ruin of Our Gert and me –

The cause was rising damp.