I’m tougher than a brave marine,
in hard-worn battle gear,
all decked out in camouflage.
There’s nothing that I fear.
You may have taken all my mates,
but they were old and weak,
you’ve never met a foe like me -
I’m tough as fucking teak.
I laugh at all your vain attempts
to seek out and destroy,
for when I’m in my element
I’m proud that I annoy.
I smear myself on surfaces,
I hide in subtle bends
I know my mere existence
disgusts you and offends.
You’ve looked for me both far and wide,
in every hole and pipe.
Despite your best intentions
I still evade your subtle wipe -
on worktop, chair, toilet seat,
sink and windowsill,
I am the awesome nought point one
that you will never kill.