Tugging the stockings out the drawer

Clasp up clips, leave suit on the floor

Zip up my boots, apply more mascara

Anticipate nervously the oncoming drama

 

Start the engine on cold autumn night

You wanted me there, and I cannot fight

Tired, unsure, aware of the time

Knowing your impatience, I blur the white line

 

Bright lights feed confidence, feeling unfazed

Walk into reception, see an eyebrow raised

Scowling, embarrassed I pull down my skirt

But if fails to cover the amount I am worth

 

Room found, knock quickly, and you let me in

The bed is covered in notes of our sin

“Is this enough?” smiling at what you see

Shocked and blushing I say, “It’ll do me.”

 

You undo your dressing gown, I take off my coat

No foreplay needed, body ready to dote

Kneel staring at the faces paying my fee

Ask them silently “Has he stopped loving me?”

 

Paper sticks to my back as you push harder

Not many “I love you’s”, not before or after

I long to be held, reassured, not to fight

My defence to challenge, be edgy with spite

 

The red thread that bound us starts to mark

A scar of self loathing while we are apart

Fucking even harder to keep future away

Now we’re each others junk, I softly say

 

 In the mirror, you thin and you pale

Wasted and not even stoned to regale 

We are chasing the dragon down a dark path

In a futile attempt to heal the ruinous past

 

You turn away to sleep and I lie awake

In the morning I gather each note and I take

stuffed in my handbag and drive into work

consummate professional, who never shows hurt.

 

© Katypoetess 2013