The wind it tackles
The leaves and the litter
The leaves and the litter
The leaves and the past
The sun it dries
The paint and the puddles
The paint and the puddles
The paint and the past
I saw the land quickly approaching
the bend in the river
that soon would be passed
I saw her look
I knew she was leaving
The leaves and the puddles
The paint and the past.
Hi John :o) You raise an interesting point re the 'it' in the first two stanzas. The placement and inclusion of 'it' is to impress the reader of the stress of the lines and by its use causes the line to flow more rhythmically. I appreciate you raising the point.
Tommy
Neat, although I don't think it needs the 'it' in the first line of the first two verses. They just seems superfluous to me. I mean, what else would you be referring to other than the wind or the sun?
Lovely little poem, though.
Just a thought.
: )
Jx
Only just found this. It captures a kind of wistfulness amid impermanence very well.
<Deleted User> (10123)
Wed 6th Feb 2013 13:50
Oh TC flows par excellence. Bravo! ta muchly, Nick.
Cheers Tom :o)
Lovely rhythm, this rolls out nicely.
Thank you Yvonne -again! lol
MC :o) ta
My comment was made on the last day of Jan and has been sucked into the archive hole. So here it is again.
Lovely, but sad too. The repetition is so effective.I love this it has such an ephemeral feel to it.
Very pleasing. The rhythm and the imagery work
well.
:o) Laura
This is excellent, love it. The rhythm is beautiful, and the content poignant. You've got so much in such a brief poem - LOVE the repetitions and how they work.
Nice one our kid!
Thank you Yvonne :o)
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Tommy Carroll
Tue 19th Feb 2013 16:47
Hi Dave :o) I think you have hit it spot on. I wanted to evoke a feeling of regret and in-consequence. The brief emotion when finding a lovers note between the pages of a seldom read book.
Tommy