(A revised post from my vanished blogs)
Hers was a beauty shear and clear and clean!
……………A beauty born to break
Across the placid sight of placid men,
Leaving such lovely turbulence in its wake
That they be never - ever - the same again.
Yvonne,
Your comment about `clipper` has been very helpful.
It made me think of the billowing sails of a clipper being too full for the intended image (a clean beauty cutting across placidness)This in turn fetched up some words for `sharp`and an anxiety I blogged in the discussions about fear of copying Hopkins (as if I could!)So I`ve changed it
...Lost the alliteration but`shippy` turbulence and wake are still there.
Thanks.
love the cunning use of the word 'clipper' here, Hugh as it left me wondering if you were writing about a woman or a ship( although the title seems to lean more towards it being a woman I don't want to relinqish the idea of a ship.)Although I am usually allergic to repetition the deliberate repetition of 'placid'is well thought out and very effective - as is the len gth of the poem . We are given a brief snapshot which leave us wanting more of this ephemeral image of perfection.
Cynthia
I`m always doin` that comma thing
Yourpoint about the last line is sound
Changed `em...thanks
I also like this imagery and its extended idea very much. Check the possessives: 'Hers' and 'its'. 'they be' is quite arresting in its archaic use. While I'm here, perhaps dashes would separate 'never - ever - ' more dramatically. Just a thought to share with a keen writer.
Lovely Harry. Don't remember seeing this before. Enjoyed the sea imagery here and yes the brevity of the piece works - it reinforces the idea that such a woman isn't to be possessed.
Proving it isn't necessary to labour a point.
Brevity is beauty here!
<Deleted User> (10123)
Thu 24th Jan 2013 09:20
A beautifully understated raving of beauty left to the mind of us mere mortals and your loyal reader. ta muchly, nick
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Chris Co
Wed 30th Jan 2013 09:57
I'd echo M.C. Oh and elegant - no poetic turbulence.
Best
Chris