Wedding Day

Saturday 17th August 2013 8:29 am (first posted Sunday 28th October 2012 9:35 am)

Stood alone
grounded by grey rock
papoosed tight in your arms
an altar before the Atlantic
commanding, tumulus ocean
serves as our priest

Two shells
brought from sandy shelter
where we consummated our love
gives us two rings to keep
fraught, fragile commitment
regardless of reality

You whisper
echoed by breaking wave
“Just you and me against the world.”
behind us storm clouds descend
tomorrow’s darkened hills
but for now, we vow

We are strong
We are deep
We are beach

Comments

Dave Bradley

Fri 2nd Nov 2012 08:45

Maybe it could be tweaked but it's great as it is, Katy, doing some of the things that poetry is best at - expressing passion and romantic love and connecting these with elemental Nature. Reminds me of my sister who met her husband on the beach in Antigua. For her it was a working trip as she is an air stewardess.

Isobel

Fri 2nd Nov 2012 08:25

Well maybe Katy means that the pair of them are stood alone - as in the fact that they have fused - one mass against the world and all its elements. To bring that home I think you'd have to follow it up with the melding of two bodies rather than accentuating the papoosing of one by the other though.

I suppose you'd know all about the dangers of too much friction, living near the sea, Anthony - I've never managed to have a butty on a beach without getting sand in it either :)

It's nice to read something romantic. I feel like grabbing a deck chair and going in hot pursuit of my own Romeo now :)

Julian (Admin)

Thu 1st Nov 2012 21:28

There are some lovely elements here, but how can you be standing alone yet in someone else's arms?

It just needs tweaking to become very good.

Anthony Emmerson

Tue 30th Oct 2012 14:08

Standing alone/stood alone?

"papoosed tight in your arms"

Lovely imagery.

"sandy shelter
where we consummated our love"

Ouch - too much friction! :)

Regards,
A.E.

Nigel Astell

Mon 29th Oct 2012 12:15

Standing together
Love bound
Two against
All odds
Reads well.

<Deleted User> (9882)

Sun 28th Oct 2012 18:18

Really lovely.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

Wedding Day

Comments

Please consider supporting us