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Earth Lament

( A french poem with english translation )

 

J'irai allonger ma tête dans la cavité de la pierre,

Pour ne plus entendre  les lamentations de la Terre.

L'arbre, sur l'horizon, se déracine,

Et laisse son feuillage  s'envoler dans les vents.

Les oiseaux ont laissé leur pavillon d'été.

Je mettrai sur mes épaules le manteau de ta présence.

 

J’ai pris le chemin des ombres.

Je suis allé chercher une flamme pour ma torche,

Dans le feu des enfers.

 

L’éternité m’obsède, l’infini me hante.

Mes pensées sont habitées de fantômes,

Gémissant sur les collines de la perdition.

 

Je ne veux pas rester immobile,

Je veux mettre mon esprit en mouvement,

Dans le livre de l’océan.

 

Aucune frontière ne peut contenir l’esprit,

Comme aucun mur ne peut stopper le vent.

J’irai m’assoir là où il est impossible de revenir.

Observer la course des étoiles dans le firmament.

 

*

 

J’entends les cris du vent par la fenêtre de l’existence.

Pourtant dehors, il n’y a que du vide.

Je suis revenu de là où l’on ne revient pas,

Et je sais qu’il n’y a rien, ni dieu, ni ange,

Ni démon, ni présence.

 

C’est par les racines de l’expérience,

Que l’homme apprend à voir ce qui lui est invisible.

Une fée qui danse sous un arbre centenaire,

Un dragon qui garde précieusement le gouffre de l’esprit.

 

---------

 

I'll lie my head in the cavity of the stone,

To no longer hear the lamentations of the Earth.

Uprooted, The tree on the horizon,

Let its foliage to fly in winds.

The birds have left their summer house.

I put on my shoulders the mantle of your presence.

 

I went by the path of shadows.

I went looking for my torch flame,

In the fire of hell.

 

Eternity haunts my mind

My thoughts are inhabited by ghosts,

Crying on the hills of perdition.

 

I will not stand still,

My mind is in movement,

In the book of the ocean.

 

No frontier can contain  spirit,

As no wall can stop the wind.

I'll go sit where it is impossible to return.

Observe the race of the stars in the firmament.

 

*

 

I hear the cries of the wind through the window of existence.

But outside, there is only emptiness.

I came back from where there is no return,

And I know that there is nothing, neither God nor angel,

Neither demon nor presence.

 

It is through the roots of the experience

That man learns to see what is invisible.

A fairy dancing under an ancient tree,

A dragon who keeps the abyss of the mind.

 

frenchmysticghostfairygods

◄ .BLAKE’S LULLABY

EVERYWHERE THE MURMUR OF DEPARTURE ►

Comments

<Deleted User> (10349)

Mon 25th Jun 2012 15:14

Thank you Julian, it is extremely rewarding what you say there. And thank you very much of credit note took time to work on the translation. It is true that it is not at all easy to write in a foreign language, as you say it so well, in touch with the nuances and the expressions, (especially that English and French are very different). I work a few hours on a translation, and sometimes I think that I make errors as forget -s at the end the verbs to the third person by impatience..

It is important for me to write in English, already by passion, but also because I work to become editor and I shall like creating a magazine(review) of European poetry soon, (where all the languages would be represent and being able to put in link of the poets working in the other languages)

And Isobel thank you too for you comment, I need to work a bit again in my theatre formation before to record :)

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Julian (Admin)

Sun 24th Jun 2012 13:19

Morgan, absolutely well done to you - bravo! - for putting your work on Write Out Loud. I am extremely glad that you have. It is a privilege for us to be able to see your work. We have been wanting to do more on translation for ages, after we translated poems between English and French on our Bordeaux poetry trips, and worked with refugees in Bolton.
Writing in a foreign language is extremely difficult because, no matter how good your knowledge of a language, if it is not your native tongue, your langue maternelle, there are nuances that you inevitably miss. Yours has very few errors at all, and one or two places where we might have a debate about alternative ways of expressing some things to see if they work better in English (or not), but your grasp of the language is fantastic.

I have had a good look at this poem and offer my thoughts on your translation, or is it version, since translation is never word-for-word in poetry, or should not be. So, anything I suggest is up for discussion or rejection.

Pensées et suggestions:

I'll lie my head in the cavity of the stone,
[I shall lay…]

To no longer hear the lamentations of the Earth.
[se déracine is <uproots itself>? Or is it a misprint – déraciné - uprooted?]
Uprooted, the tree on the horizon,
Let its foliage to fly in winds.
[Lets its foliage fly in the wind – 's' on lets and no ‘to’]

I went by the path of shadows.
[I took the path of shadows - great line]
I went looking for my torch flame,
In the fire of hell.
[this is slightly problematic as you were not looking for ‘your’ torch flame (la flame de ma torche), but were looking for <a flame for my torch>. Perhaps it would read better as:

I took the path of shadows
seeking a torch flame
in the fires of hell
?

Anyone help express this better in English?

Eternity haunts my mind
My thoughts are inhabited by ghosts,
Crying on the hills of perdition.

More accurately translated:
I am obsessed by eternity
Haunted by infinity
My thoughts inhabited by ghosts
Moaning (groaning) on the hills of perdition
[or perdition’s hills?]

I will not stand still,
My mind is in movement,
In the book of the ocean.

[I notice that in French you write I don’t want to stand still
I want to get my mind moving]

No frontier can contain spirit,
As no wall can stop the wind.
I'll go sit where it is impossible to return.
Observe the race of the stars in the firmament.

[No frontier can contain spirit
any more than a wall can stop the wind.
I shall go and sit…
I am not sure about 'the race of the stars', not sure what you are wanting to say here. the stars racing in the firmament perhaps? firmament doesn't seem very poetic though.
To see the stars racing in the night sky?
to see the stars racing in the firmament


I hear the cries of the wind through the window of existence.
But outside, there is only emptiness.
I came back from where there is no return,
And I know that there is nothing, neither God nor angel,
Neither demon nor presence.

It is through the roots of the experience
[remove ‘the’]
That man learns to see what is invisible.
A fairy dancing under an ancient tree,
A dragon who keeps the abyss of the mind.
[A dragon guarding the mind’s abyss]
precieusement probably translates more accurately as 'jealously guarding'
but I think the adverb gets in the way.

anyhow, my thoughts for now.


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Isobel

Wed 20th Jun 2012 21:45

You should try to add sound at some point Morgan. The french language is rather beautiful to listen to. You could read Humpty Dumpty and it would sound divine :)

Your poetry is very soulful.

<Deleted User> (10349)

Wed 20th Jun 2012 09:15

Oui oui c'est un poème que j'ai composé. J'aimerai aussi beaucoup travailler sur des traductions Français-Anglais d'Alain Suied, mais il me faut plus d'assurance parce que c'est une poésie pleine d'image..

Que me conseilleriz-vous Yavonne?

Thank you Ann, :) this reflexion was coming to me after to read Blake :)

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 20th Jun 2012 09:09

Some lovely images here - and ideas too. I love the sentiment

"No frontier can contain spirit,

As no wall can stop the wind."

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Yvonne Brunton

Tue 19th Jun 2012 21:25

C'est un poeme que vous avez ecrit? Je ne le reconnais pas mais je le trouve superbe. Il y a quelques lignes que moi,je traduirais autrement.
Mes felicitations.

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